I want so much to have a cookie cutter Christmas, but I also know in my household it will never happen. J is not accustommed to liking Christmas, and we are doing the best we can to hold it together and get the house going for the holidays. J has put up lights and two trees, one for us, one for the children. We wanted to make Christmas nice for the kids, not sure how its going to turn out but we'll see. I want to put carols on and try to motivate us, but the grinch at home says its cheezy. sheez, thump me on the head ok?
The middle kid and I have had pneumonia this week and it seems J is coming down with it too... great! Because my breathing got so bad, I am having to use a nebulizer every 6 hours.... icky, it ramps me up.Plus good ole Prednison and Azithramax, should be done by Christmas I hope, if something else doesn't get me. At least it wasn't strep this time!
MY big BJD is on its way and I can't wait. I got my first Blythe finally too after waiting since May for this doll, I had ordered it originally for The middle kid's birthday in September, she finally came today. J says he doesn't get my sudden obsession with dolls... Honestly I am not sure why... maybe its the eyes, they remind me of me, staring out.....
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Loving J, Hating collection agencies, tired and numb
Sometimes I just can't show the appreciation I feel for my children and my husband. especially Jeremy since he has the short end of the stick as I am working to support us.
I have to be one of the most difficult people to be with. I am exhausted all the time from anemia and sleep issues (though I admit now that Jeremy is here it has gotten better, time management (L lax Skilz!) and general Donna Reed housewife knowledge... sigh.
I would guess most people can't understand the realtionship I have with Jeremy, but you know what? It works. That's what is most important to me. At the end of the day I can snuggle up to his warm body and feel loved and know that despite all the difficulties we've been through I can only love him more.
There is no better feeling than to know that he is there waiting on me despite, leaving him at the crack of dawn with two unruly children to get ready for school and coming home as the night is falling and I drag myself out of my car. kiss bathroom, sofa, dinner tv baths for kids bed... my routine... varies only slightly . On the weekends the children have strict orders despite knowing if we are awake or not, not to disturb us unless we have come out of the bedroom. After noon they can bother us if they still need to do so.
Someone please tell me, I have these awful collection agencies calling my phone which has always been in my name, to collect bills for my deceased ex's hospital bill. The worst one is Portfolio recovery who calls with a recorded message asking to call them back. I don't because I have sent back every bill and talked with almost every collection agency about how I am not married to him and how I am not responsible for his bills. J got so frustrated he started putting the cemetary address on them and returning them. Still they send and call although less than before.
They tend to be the ones that end up waking me on Saturday....grrrrr!!!!
I have to be one of the most difficult people to be with. I am exhausted all the time from anemia and sleep issues (though I admit now that Jeremy is here it has gotten better, time management (L lax Skilz!) and general Donna Reed housewife knowledge... sigh.
I would guess most people can't understand the realtionship I have with Jeremy, but you know what? It works. That's what is most important to me. At the end of the day I can snuggle up to his warm body and feel loved and know that despite all the difficulties we've been through I can only love him more.
There is no better feeling than to know that he is there waiting on me despite, leaving him at the crack of dawn with two unruly children to get ready for school and coming home as the night is falling and I drag myself out of my car. kiss bathroom, sofa, dinner tv baths for kids bed... my routine... varies only slightly . On the weekends the children have strict orders despite knowing if we are awake or not, not to disturb us unless we have come out of the bedroom. After noon they can bother us if they still need to do so.
Someone please tell me, I have these awful collection agencies calling my phone which has always been in my name, to collect bills for my deceased ex's hospital bill. The worst one is Portfolio recovery who calls with a recorded message asking to call them back. I don't because I have sent back every bill and talked with almost every collection agency about how I am not married to him and how I am not responsible for his bills. J got so frustrated he started putting the cemetary address on them and returning them. Still they send and call although less than before.
They tend to be the ones that end up waking me on Saturday....grrrrr!!!!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Downward Spiral? Upturned Noses, and a Resignation...
Today I feel down, after spending 2 hours in car in stand still traffic, I arrived at my job an hour late and almost melted down. I just felt so anxious and upset with everything I couldn't stand myself. Then at lunch, 5 people came in at once so I didn't get to eat on time making my anxiety worse.
I've been feeling very misunderstood, misinterpreted and generally p'oed at the world lately. I bark at my children, I ignore my doting hubbie, and snark at him unintentionally but none the less. I want so badly to be understood, and that someone see my point, and at least Jeremy does, so screw the outside world that doesn't 'cause nothing matters to me more than him and my kids.
As an Aspie I have always felt outside the clique, looking through a bubble to the inside. For the most part, it hasn't been just a feeling, but a reality. Even online there are cliques, and god forbid you have a different oppinion. Shame really, but their problem not mine. I have enough to shoulder without adding someone's elitism attitude (I spent nearly a thousand for this so no you can't show your cheap fake or off market brand) Silly really when you think of the hours of work that go into them ) I may spend just as many hours working on mine as theirs and sometimes they come out better!. Oh btw I am talking about Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. I have caught the fever for them. I find it very frustrating that there are companies charging 1000 or more for dolls or even that they offer cheaper affordable one, and yet I still can't get one I want because it is sold out or no longer availible. I am getting an Angel of Dream Mo Lan though and I will post the pics when I am done with her but I still owe two more payments.
As an artist, I find the creation of the face-ups, the remodeling of the doll mold facinating. I want to make resin dolls and I will one day despite this forum clique that I no longer wish to be associated with. And when I get my new camera, I will post some pics here of some of the work I have already done and in flickr if anyone is interested.
I won't sell my work, for now, but maybe one day.
I guess another reason I am upset today is because I called my daughter the oldest one, because she was supposed to have spent the weekend with me, and instead I heard nothing from her. She says I should remind her by phone. What?! I have to remind her to come visit mom?!
Another thing is that it's C's birthday. The children want to take little cards they are going to make to his graveslab at the mosuleum. I feel rather heavy about this, I don't want to go but feel obligated.I keep aking him in my mind to please let me be now that he is gone, but I still am getting his bills, his calls from collection agencies etc. Even though he's gone, he still interferes with my life with Jeremy and I know it has to make him uncomfortable as well.
I've been feeling very misunderstood, misinterpreted and generally p'oed at the world lately. I bark at my children, I ignore my doting hubbie, and snark at him unintentionally but none the less. I want so badly to be understood, and that someone see my point, and at least Jeremy does, so screw the outside world that doesn't 'cause nothing matters to me more than him and my kids.
As an Aspie I have always felt outside the clique, looking through a bubble to the inside. For the most part, it hasn't been just a feeling, but a reality. Even online there are cliques, and god forbid you have a different oppinion. Shame really, but their problem not mine. I have enough to shoulder without adding someone's elitism attitude (I spent nearly a thousand for this so no you can't show your cheap fake or off market brand) Silly really when you think of the hours of work that go into them ) I may spend just as many hours working on mine as theirs and sometimes they come out better!. Oh btw I am talking about Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. I have caught the fever for them. I find it very frustrating that there are companies charging 1000 or more for dolls or even that they offer cheaper affordable one, and yet I still can't get one I want because it is sold out or no longer availible. I am getting an Angel of Dream Mo Lan though and I will post the pics when I am done with her but I still owe two more payments.
As an artist, I find the creation of the face-ups, the remodeling of the doll mold facinating. I want to make resin dolls and I will one day despite this forum clique that I no longer wish to be associated with. And when I get my new camera, I will post some pics here of some of the work I have already done and in flickr if anyone is interested.
I won't sell my work, for now, but maybe one day.
I guess another reason I am upset today is because I called my daughter the oldest one, because she was supposed to have spent the weekend with me, and instead I heard nothing from her. She says I should remind her by phone. What?! I have to remind her to come visit mom?!
Another thing is that it's C's birthday. The children want to take little cards they are going to make to his graveslab at the mosuleum. I feel rather heavy about this, I don't want to go but feel obligated.I keep aking him in my mind to please let me be now that he is gone, but I still am getting his bills, his calls from collection agencies etc. Even though he's gone, he still interferes with my life with Jeremy and I know it has to make him uncomfortable as well.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Little by little
This have been in an upwhirl since I last wrote... I have a job... at least temporarily although some days it take me driving an hour and a half in traffic to get there. When I arrive home it can be as late as 7pm... It is wearing on me little by little and I am becoming a zombie me.
My camera is broken and I am working on getting another, but it won't be soon. I am also worried that Christmas will be a little sparse ;/
Life with Jeremy has been wonderful, at last I've found someone who is supportive and loving in every since of the word. He takes an interest in my life, my home, my family. The sincere effort he puts forth makes all the difference in the world and coming home to someone like that is a relief. Especially after spending two hours in bumper to bumper traffic... grrrrr
Money has been up and down but hopefully we will get some more of the back debts paid off and the next year once Jeremy is working should be a lot better (I hope)
Everyone's eyes seem to be watching and waiting on this election. I only hope that people do the right thing, make a choice. Choose change, surely we can't stand 4 more years of the crap this country is going through. Off my political soapbox now, as I really am not political at all. (Honestly I feel I had to chose the lesser of two evils, how bad is that?) At least I made the effort to get out there though and my vote was taken. I am not sure it will make a difference, but at least I tried.Today they laid off 300 more people at county where I am.
The Bursitis in my hip has become unbearable, I received a cortisone shot in the hip last week but it has gotten worse now. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am very burnt out from driving and from pain, I just don't have time anymore for anything nor the drive to do so.
My camera is broken and I am working on getting another, but it won't be soon. I am also worried that Christmas will be a little sparse ;/
Life with Jeremy has been wonderful, at last I've found someone who is supportive and loving in every since of the word. He takes an interest in my life, my home, my family. The sincere effort he puts forth makes all the difference in the world and coming home to someone like that is a relief. Especially after spending two hours in bumper to bumper traffic... grrrrr
Money has been up and down but hopefully we will get some more of the back debts paid off and the next year once Jeremy is working should be a lot better (I hope)
Everyone's eyes seem to be watching and waiting on this election. I only hope that people do the right thing, make a choice. Choose change, surely we can't stand 4 more years of the crap this country is going through. Off my political soapbox now, as I really am not political at all. (Honestly I feel I had to chose the lesser of two evils, how bad is that?) At least I made the effort to get out there though and my vote was taken. I am not sure it will make a difference, but at least I tried.Today they laid off 300 more people at county where I am.
The Bursitis in my hip has become unbearable, I received a cortisone shot in the hip last week but it has gotten worse now. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am very burnt out from driving and from pain, I just don't have time anymore for anything nor the drive to do so.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Push me Pull You
Sometimes I just feel like this, I feel pulled in all directions and I get so overloaded and overwhelmed that I just have meltdowns.
It feels like nothing I do is enough, nothing is right when i do things, I just get so frustrated. I am having pain in my hip, my doc says its bursitis(no bone changes on xray), but exercise and muscle relaxers and pain pills are not getting rid of it.
It hurts when I walk any distance. Sometimes, it just hurts getting out of bed. It makes me grumpy and tired because I just try and deal with it. My stomach has been sensative lately so I can't take goody's powders like I'd like as these seem to work but the aspirin and tylenol can't be taken with the Ultram either. I can't take the Ultram all the time either as I have to be able to function.
It feels like nothing I do is enough, nothing is right when i do things, I just get so frustrated. I am having pain in my hip, my doc says its bursitis(no bone changes on xray), but exercise and muscle relaxers and pain pills are not getting rid of it.
It hurts when I walk any distance. Sometimes, it just hurts getting out of bed. It makes me grumpy and tired because I just try and deal with it. My stomach has been sensative lately so I can't take goody's powders like I'd like as these seem to work but the aspirin and tylenol can't be taken with the Ultram either. I can't take the Ultram all the time either as I have to be able to function.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Confusion, and sadness
Today I discovered that a friend of mine buckled to a troll. Understanding that the friend was under severe emotional trauma and was suicidal, it just doesn't seem right. What right do strangers (or even people we know) have to harass someone to the point that they take off their Flickr photos and their personal blog? It seems too much for me to understand knowing that the blog and the photos are the way this person unwinds, or deals with overload that he could not do in a normal way. What right does this troll have to take that away from someone? What satisfaction could this person possibly get? Is it to revenge a lost love? Is it to get back at some perceived hurt? What possible motive does this person have? And now that they've succeded, what now? He's off the public sites now, its done that, and possilbly cut him off from the only support he had from internet friends. He didn't succeed before, is that why you are mad? You want him to die? How selfish is that? What right do you have to take away someone's existance? Why do you care so much about who he rants about? I was harassed and threatened by a troll once, and I found out where he lived(went there, took pictures and gave to a police officer) . Maybe that's what my friend needed to do with you. But then, he already knows where you live doesn't he?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Let the rain come down...
Things just get heavy sometimes. Life seems to put its weight on my shoulder. I already this week have gone to the Dr once again for a hurt back and am on so much medication I get stupid high from when I go to sleep that Jeremy has to send me to bed before I really get embaressed. That in itself embaresses me since I don't remember what I was saying.
I wish I could just make myself be someone else sometimes, I wish I was pretty and thin and popular and rich. Oh and healthy, shouldn't forget that... But I have the perfect husband, my perfect children and my perfect pets. It's just me today...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Twisted Inside and Numb
Numb because I just don't know what to feel anymore, so many things are overloading me, I just can't turn around without something just bitting me somewhere.
Don't get me wrong, I have had somewonderful things happen in the past couple of weeks, but so many crappy things are still running in the background. Its like getting a brand new computer with all the bells and whistles but it came with a virus already there waiting to get you when it raises its ugly head. Its always there, just under the surface.
I am still struggling with the water and gas bill and since Jeremy's not able to work yet, they continue to mount up penalties.
The pic is of the new cat we received from rescue. She was seized from an aging ill Persian/Exotic breeder that could no longer care for her cats. We almost lost her, she was so depressed and would not eat. But she is slowly recovering, coming out of her shell and still getting to know us and the two remaining cats, the ragdoll Soli and Mushu the Siamese.
I am grateful for many things today, first that the Dr says my surgery went well and there was no cancer, i am grateful to have such a loving partner in Jeremy. I am grateful that his family has sent us a nice wedding gift so we could have at least 2 nice things fron the gift.
I am grateful to still be working even though my job will end the end of September unless the County is able to place me before then. I am grateful I do have at least one close friend who can give me emotional support when I can't get it elsewhere. I am grateful that C's death will help my children now financially more so than when he was alive (I don't mean this in a mean way) and SSA will pay them benefits since I can no longer receive his child support from the grave. And finally I am grateful that my family is starting to lift ourselves up out of a big down hill hole and learn to live again.
Don't get me wrong, I have had somewonderful things happen in the past couple of weeks, but so many crappy things are still running in the background. Its like getting a brand new computer with all the bells and whistles but it came with a virus already there waiting to get you when it raises its ugly head. Its always there, just under the surface.
I am still struggling with the water and gas bill and since Jeremy's not able to work yet, they continue to mount up penalties.
The pic is of the new cat we received from rescue. She was seized from an aging ill Persian/Exotic breeder that could no longer care for her cats. We almost lost her, she was so depressed and would not eat. But she is slowly recovering, coming out of her shell and still getting to know us and the two remaining cats, the ragdoll Soli and Mushu the Siamese.
I am grateful for many things today, first that the Dr says my surgery went well and there was no cancer, i am grateful to have such a loving partner in Jeremy. I am grateful that his family has sent us a nice wedding gift so we could have at least 2 nice things fron the gift.
I am grateful to still be working even though my job will end the end of September unless the County is able to place me before then. I am grateful I do have at least one close friend who can give me emotional support when I can't get it elsewhere. I am grateful that C's death will help my children now financially more so than when he was alive (I don't mean this in a mean way) and SSA will pay them benefits since I can no longer receive his child support from the grave. And finally I am grateful that my family is starting to lift ourselves up out of a big down hill hole and learn to live again.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Why do some people have to be such A$$40l3&
As many of you know I run a couple of groups on flickr and in my spare moments, I scan Explore for talent to post to our groups. I got a nasty email from some guy telling me I should have read his profile before "spamming" him with group invite?!
Well to people like that I ask this Anorthsoul: How stupid can you be?! I don't go looking at photographer's personal objectives(i DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT, i DO THAT WITH FRIENDS, YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND), I go looking for talent. If you can't recognize an invite to a group based on your talent just say thanks but no thanks. No need to be an A&&!
And another thing, where do friends get off telling you to leave them alone, when you know they really don't mean it? I mean, if you really are friends, you should know that friends are there good and bad. Just because you are going through a bad time, doesn't mean you should push people away. Later when you are feeling better about things, it could be a regretful moment. Just a thought
Well to people like that I ask this Anorthsoul: How stupid can you be?! I don't go looking at photographer's personal objectives(i DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT, i DO THAT WITH FRIENDS, YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND), I go looking for talent. If you can't recognize an invite to a group based on your talent just say thanks but no thanks. No need to be an A&&!
And another thing, where do friends get off telling you to leave them alone, when you know they really don't mean it? I mean, if you really are friends, you should know that friends are there good and bad. Just because you are going through a bad time, doesn't mean you should push people away. Later when you are feeling better about things, it could be a regretful moment. Just a thought
Monday, July 21, 2008
Numb but happy
Wedding day bliss or just finally something good happens to me for a change. Who knows. But I do plan on sticking around to find out.
Finally something has gone right in my life, and I feel most content. It didn't happen as we planned, but I guess nothing ever does. So much crap has gone on so it makes these moments seem alien to me. But then most emotional things seem strange to me. I have them, just not sure what to do about them?! Hipboots and shovels folks, somedays it gets deep. Odd days you may need a snorkle...
We have had to go through so very much to get to this point, and we still have several hoops to jump through but at least now we've made a positive step in that direction, so for all you naysayers neneneneneh!
Finally something has gone right in my life, and I feel most content. It didn't happen as we planned, but I guess nothing ever does. So much crap has gone on so it makes these moments seem alien to me. But then most emotional things seem strange to me. I have them, just not sure what to do about them?! Hipboots and shovels folks, somedays it gets deep. Odd days you may need a snorkle...
We have had to go through so very much to get to this point, and we still have several hoops to jump through but at least now we've made a positive step in that direction, so for all you naysayers neneneneneh!
Friday, July 18, 2008
The sum of 20 years
What can Isay, C was the father of my children, and although there were good and very bad things in the relationship, he did occupy 20 years of my life.
Life goes on....
J and I are getting married tonight.
Life goes on....
J and I are getting married tonight.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
How much more???!!!
How much more can a body take?
I have gone through so much in the past 6 months, I am not sure I can hold out anymore. I'm so tired.
I just had surgery on Tuesday last and am still recovering.
My boss called this morning, (the new job I have been struggling with), and said the whole program accross the board had been eliminated and we have until probably the first week in October to find a job or be repositioned in the County.
J's uncle had a severe heart attack and is now in the hospital in England, and J can't go until we've married and they have given him the green card. J's mum doesn't think she'll be able to come over for the wedding and I am really sad about it. She (and we) can't afford the airfare right now with the gas prices doubling the airfares.
My dark siamese, Mushu has been feeling poorly the past couple of days and I am starting to worry. I can't afford another vet bill and having just lost Baily and Kimiko its just too much.
I want to cry, but only a few tears come out,I want to be strong, and can't. I don't want to be depressed again.
I have gone through so much in the past 6 months, I am not sure I can hold out anymore. I'm so tired.
I just had surgery on Tuesday last and am still recovering.
My boss called this morning, (the new job I have been struggling with), and said the whole program accross the board had been eliminated and we have until probably the first week in October to find a job or be repositioned in the County.
J's uncle had a severe heart attack and is now in the hospital in England, and J can't go until we've married and they have given him the green card. J's mum doesn't think she'll be able to come over for the wedding and I am really sad about it. She (and we) can't afford the airfare right now with the gas prices doubling the airfares.
My dark siamese, Mushu has been feeling poorly the past couple of days and I am starting to worry. I can't afford another vet bill and having just lost Baily and Kimiko its just too much.
I want to cry, but only a few tears come out,I want to be strong, and can't. I don't want to be depressed again.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Shriveling, dying,crying and numb
I feel like crying today. I I just haven't a clue as to exactly why, though recent circumstances of my otherwise(Not including J) pathetic life just seem to be piling on more and more and more. I just feel overwhelmed, like I need a major meltdown, and can't get the relief I need. If it weren't for J I think I would just curl up and give up.
I can't make myself stop. I have no desire to get out of the house and go to work and when I am at work, going out to do my job. Tears just keep running down my face and it makes leaving my office difficult. The social demands of being an outreach worker are slowly killing me physically and mentally though I do like what I do and enjoy my patients.
I realize that perhaps the surgery I am having next week will stop the anemia and give me extra physical energy to survive, but mentally? Who knows...Honestly I am scared that this will all go horribly wrong andmy kids will be orphaned and scarred by losing both parents.
Its not fair to J that I lay all this on him. And yet i am also trying to plan our wedding. I have gotten my dress, not the one I originally picked out as I wanted to save as much money as I could, and finally found one reasonable and fit correctly. It is a bit plain for my taste and I am trying to come up with ways to make it my own.
My da's scan came back and although they didn't see active cells they thought the tumor was a little thick, and they gave my dad the option of waiting and seeing or taking radiation. He chose to take the radiation... We will see how that goes.
I can't make myself stop. I have no desire to get out of the house and go to work and when I am at work, going out to do my job. Tears just keep running down my face and it makes leaving my office difficult. The social demands of being an outreach worker are slowly killing me physically and mentally though I do like what I do and enjoy my patients.
I realize that perhaps the surgery I am having next week will stop the anemia and give me extra physical energy to survive, but mentally? Who knows...Honestly I am scared that this will all go horribly wrong andmy kids will be orphaned and scarred by losing both parents.
Its not fair to J that I lay all this on him. And yet i am also trying to plan our wedding. I have gotten my dress, not the one I originally picked out as I wanted to save as much money as I could, and finally found one reasonable and fit correctly. It is a bit plain for my taste and I am trying to come up with ways to make it my own.
My da's scan came back and although they didn't see active cells they thought the tumor was a little thick, and they gave my dad the option of waiting and seeing or taking radiation. He chose to take the radiation... We will see how that goes.
Monday, June 16, 2008
I miss You Kimiko or the worst week of my life
I had out of town training all week and upon my arrival home, my ex succummed from his cancer at 40 years old. Horrible and inconceivable as that was, his family banned me from the veiwing and funeral. My kids had to go alone, and I think it really affected my son. Neither of the two younger ones are talking about it. I am not sure what to do about it.
Wednesday the day before the veiwing of my ex, I awoke to find my kitty Kimiko passed away in her sleep. She was a very special kitty that I shared many hard and good times with and I will miss her every day.
Friday afternoon after the funeral, my car broke down, the transmission is shot so now I have to buy us a car.
Also on Friday, Bailey my other persian escaped and I can not find him. I only hope he comes home. My nerves are shot, my allergies are bad, and sometimes I feel so close to meltdown I can't stand it.
I hate car dealers, they descend on you like sharks. Fresh meat anyone.
And you wonder why I'm numb?!
Wednesday the day before the veiwing of my ex, I awoke to find my kitty Kimiko passed away in her sleep. She was a very special kitty that I shared many hard and good times with and I will miss her every day.
Friday afternoon after the funeral, my car broke down, the transmission is shot so now I have to buy us a car.
Also on Friday, Bailey my other persian escaped and I can not find him. I only hope he comes home. My nerves are shot, my allergies are bad, and sometimes I feel so close to meltdown I can't stand it.
I hate car dealers, they descend on you like sharks. Fresh meat anyone.
And you wonder why I'm numb?!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sometimes Blue...
I work with a very strong personality girl who seems to take offense with a lot that I say. I think she misunderstands me, but it makes me feel like crap. It's not my fault and hopefully the boss has explained it, but still...
My ex has been sent home to die and my oldest still is not accepting it well. I guess that's to be expected under the circumstances
My ex has been sent home to die and my oldest still is not accepting it well. I guess that's to be expected under the circumstances
Monday, May 5, 2008
Sigh, why do I feel so ganged up on?
My boss just called me andsaid she couldn't approve my leave time for a mamogram the dr wants aspa. because its during a mandatory training. That's ok, I honestly had forgotten about the training when I scheduled it. But then she went on and on about how I had been taking bits off here and there(With leave time accrued for my Dr's appts.) without being off payroll except 1 day. Then she says she is going to extend my probation, the work test is nearly done, however a probation period eveidently does not run concurrent and starts when the other ends. She says she does not know if she can approve me having a whole week off for July when I scheduled my surgery because I will "still be on probation" (The week would consist of 3 days leave and a holiday plus the weekend)There are undertones, that the program that I am working in may be cancelled in June (Doesn't really make sense since I heard we did really well on the audit) and since I am the last one hired, I would probably be the one let go if that happens, which doesn't seem real fair, since I have 12 years working with the county. I am trying my best, I do a good job, but I want to be healthy too. So why do I feel so un supported on this.... I am just so upset right now. Why is life so damn difficult!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Totally worn out... but so numb
I talked to my Dr today to schedule my surgery. It will be July 1st so I can have the holiday weekend to recuperate. Not looking forward to it..
Jeremy now has his K-1VISA and his ticket booked for May 20th. Finally! We have waited so long! So soon thank god, I won't be alone to shoulder so much stuff alone.
My father had his 3rd shot of interferon yesterday and he is tired but getting through it. Mom says his pneumonia is better, and he didn't seem to be hacking as much.
She (mom) funnily enough is now taking Strattera. If you don't know what it is or what its for, Google it. Its ironic because she never wanted my brother to be on Ritalin, which was the only one available back then. ROFL
After my patients today I went to see my ex. They have moved him from the CCU to a room, but I was shocked in how much weight he had lost in a week. He seemed glad to see me, however his father was there and he sneered and snarled the whole time. Made me feel a bit bad to be there, but I couldn't discuss important things when he was there so I will have to go back maybe next week. He doesn't look good and I am afraid he may not have that much longer.
Did I mention Jeremy will be here soon, at least I will have something pleasant to come home to. I've missed him so much and all of that plus all the other stuff I have been snorkeling in have just really really worn me down physically and mentally. I really do need him with me, despite other people's opinions and misgivings about the two of us. I know my family sees how happy I am when he is here, and all I can do is hope that soon anyone else willl fall in line, or fall out of my life.
Jeremy now has his K-1VISA and his ticket booked for May 20th. Finally! We have waited so long! So soon thank god, I won't be alone to shoulder so much stuff alone.
My father had his 3rd shot of interferon yesterday and he is tired but getting through it. Mom says his pneumonia is better, and he didn't seem to be hacking as much.
She (mom) funnily enough is now taking Strattera. If you don't know what it is or what its for, Google it. Its ironic because she never wanted my brother to be on Ritalin, which was the only one available back then. ROFL
After my patients today I went to see my ex. They have moved him from the CCU to a room, but I was shocked in how much weight he had lost in a week. He seemed glad to see me, however his father was there and he sneered and snarled the whole time. Made me feel a bit bad to be there, but I couldn't discuss important things when he was there so I will have to go back maybe next week. He doesn't look good and I am afraid he may not have that much longer.
Did I mention Jeremy will be here soon, at least I will have something pleasant to come home to. I've missed him so much and all of that plus all the other stuff I have been snorkeling in have just really really worn me down physically and mentally. I really do need him with me, despite other people's opinions and misgivings about the two of us. I know my family sees how happy I am when he is here, and all I can do is hope that soon anyone else willl fall in line, or fall out of my life.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I found this today, after I found out a friend of mine died on Friday
The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored.
- To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all.
- To have someone you care so about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it.
- When your favorite person on earth neglects to invite you to his graduation.
- To have people think that you don't care.
The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be forgotten.
- To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
- To never get a call from a friend, just saying "hi".
- When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.
- For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.
- When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you.
Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored... forgotten... as you have done to others.
I will miss you Norma....
- To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all.
- To have someone you care so about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it.
- When your favorite person on earth neglects to invite you to his graduation.
- To have people think that you don't care.
The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be forgotten.
- To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
- To never get a call from a friend, just saying "hi".
- When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.
- For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.
- When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you.
Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored... forgotten... as you have done to others.
I will miss you Norma....
This fuzzball had me in meltdown tonight
Today was a very stressful day, I had supervision at work (A weekly harassment ohm revision of my work for the week) and it is always at College Park, a center that is 58 miles from my own one way and three blocks from the airport. Every 3 minutes there is a plane taking off or landing and you can feel it in the whole building.Because the program I work under has a revision of charts tomorrow I had to stay late to present two charts for the director Nedie Tordova. I am hoping it goes well as I have only been at the job like 4 1/2 weeks.
I am in major money problems right now.,my ex is in the CCu with terminal cancer and is not able to pay the mortgage on the house. So I had to grovel to my parents. More than a difficult thing for me to do, it always stresses me out... So I made the 38 mile trip to their house for dinner, showers for the kids and laundry , when my 11 year old said that Mr fuzz ball Bailey was in the van and jumped out and ran away. WTF!
Bailey is not an outdoor kitty. He has no front claws (Before I get preached to about declawing being cruel, I got him already declawed.)! He can not defend himself So my dad and I went out and looked but saw nothing.
(Sometimes I tend to doubt my middle daughter, the blonde factor runs deep in her)
So on the way home, the kids were stressing about the cat, I was stressing about the money the van, Jeremy's visa, my ex husband, my own health,(Did I say they found a mass in my uterus last week!) and on top of all that the fuzz ball is misssing..
We get home, and sure enough Bailey is no where to be found, The kids are crying, I'm stressing, I finally get them to bed with the promise I'll go back up to the lake house to look first thing in the morning.
2 hours go by and I am in meltdown, I am totally panicked, there's no way I can sleep thinking he is out there in the cold night with no way to defend himself where coyotes have been spotted, He was left by his owner before and I could only think he thought I was abandoning him too. I couldn't stand it and finally started packing up kids and kit to go and have another search. The middle girl comes back in the house with Mr fuzz ball who was by the van, wet and cold but at least he was home. I am relieved but now so worked up and hyper I still can't sleep. Never the less. Bailey is home again.
I am in major money problems right now.,my ex is in the CCu with terminal cancer and is not able to pay the mortgage on the house. So I had to grovel to my parents. More than a difficult thing for me to do, it always stresses me out... So I made the 38 mile trip to their house for dinner, showers for the kids and laundry , when my 11 year old said that Mr fuzz ball Bailey was in the van and jumped out and ran away. WTF!
Bailey is not an outdoor kitty. He has no front claws (Before I get preached to about declawing being cruel, I got him already declawed.)! He can not defend himself So my dad and I went out and looked but saw nothing.
(Sometimes I tend to doubt my middle daughter, the blonde factor runs deep in her)
So on the way home, the kids were stressing about the cat, I was stressing about the money the van, Jeremy's visa, my ex husband, my own health,(Did I say they found a mass in my uterus last week!) and on top of all that the fuzz ball is misssing..
We get home, and sure enough Bailey is no where to be found, The kids are crying, I'm stressing, I finally get them to bed with the promise I'll go back up to the lake house to look first thing in the morning.
2 hours go by and I am in meltdown, I am totally panicked, there's no way I can sleep thinking he is out there in the cold night with no way to defend himself where coyotes have been spotted, He was left by his owner before and I could only think he thought I was abandoning him too. I couldn't stand it and finally started packing up kids and kit to go and have another search. The middle girl comes back in the house with Mr fuzz ball who was by the van, wet and cold but at least he was home. I am relieved but now so worked up and hyper I still can't sleep. Never the less. Bailey is home again.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Pit Bulls.... Tigers Bears and other Apex Animals updated 10/29/2010
This post has been rolling around in my mind lately. Its not a post i can put just anywhere but at the same time I need to get these thought out of my head. What is with all the Pit Bulls being sold/given away? (You can insert the dangerous dog of choice here but PB's seem to be the most troublesome as of late)
Of the 88 fatal dog attacks recorded by DogsBite.org, pit bull type dogs were responsible for 59% (52). This is equivalent to a pit bull killing a U.S. citizen every 21 days during this 3-year period. The data also shows that pit bulls commit the vast majority of off-property attacks that result in death. Only 18% (16) of the attacks occurred off owner property, yet pit bulls were responsible for 81% (13).
Pit bulls are also more likely to kill an adult than a child. In the 3-year period, pit bulls killed more adults (ages 21 and over), 54%, than they did children (ages 11 and younger), 46%. In the 21-54 age group, pit bulls were responsible for 82% (14) of the deaths. The data indicates that pit bulls do not only kill children and senior citizens; they kill men and women in their prime years as well.
The report also shows that of the six victim age groups documented, the 55 and older group suffered the most fatalities 26% (23), followed by the 2-4 age group 22% (19). Between the ages of 0-4, the study reveals that 14% (12) of the fatal attacks involved a "watcher," a person such as a grandparent or babysitter watching the child. Of these attacks, 75% (9) involved a grandparent type.
The founder of DogsBite.org, Colleen Lynn, adds, "The off-property statistical data about pit bulls shows just how dangerous they are." She noted that six senior citizens were killed under these circumstances: "Two were killed while standing in their own backyard," she said. "Four others were killed while taking a morning walk or getting the mail
Ok, the thing is, people say its how a dog is raised, not the breed that makes them have a bad reputation. Their pit bulls sleep with their children etc.. WTF!
Hold that thought.
I'm sure Siegfried and Roy say the same about their tigers right?!
Ok here's my theory, tigers are an apex killer. Born and genetically programmed to be killers. Granted there are tigers bred in captivity, but they are still tigers and at any moment can revert to their animalistic nature, what they are bred for. Just ask Roy...
Pit bulls, even though they are raised correctly were genetically disposed for fighting and defense. All the training or "raising" in the world can not take that out of the genes... Its there, just under the surface.
One lady on Craigs List recently said she'd been bitten by a beagle but never her pit bull. Lets address the beagle first. Any dog can be mean and trained to attack. Any type, any breed... but more importantly when was the last time you heard on the news of a beagle attacking and maiming or killing a child or older person? It doesn't make the biting ok.
There's a reason for that. Pit Bulls are genetically engineered to fight and not let go and to keep attacking. Despite the woman's claim that she was never bitten by hers, owners of the pit bulls that have attacked typically all say their animals had never ever attacked anyone before.
Back to the tigers, Roy had even slept with his tiger, look what happened to him. Tigers are not a safe animals. Pit Bulls aren't either.
I guess I am just angry and afraid for my sister's children as she adopted a supposedly chocolate lab that turned out to have Pit Bull blood. She has two small toddlers. While I was there she showed signs of potential snapping. My sister claims she saw no sign of aggression, but I did. She denies it. What will it take for people to wake up and stop breeding/selling/giving away these dangerous killers!
And to all of you that say its the owners not the dogs, then why are there so many of these type dog attacks for me to post here? Too many attacks for there to be any denial that these types of dogs are dangerous.
October 27,2010 CNN) -- A 4-day-old died after being attacked by his family's pit bull terrier Sunday evening at his home in Jacksonville , Florida , according to John Harrell, a spokesman with the Florida 's Department of Children and Family.
The infant's father told CNN affiliate WJXT he and the baby's mother only left the child alone for a few seconds when the attack occurred. Jacksonville Sheriff's office along with Florida 's child welfare agency are investigating the incident as a child death. The state agency will determine if the child was unsupervised and for how long. "Our investigation will reveal if the incident was abuse, neglect or an accident," said the DCF spokesman. The state agency's report will show if the the dog had any history of aggression. The father told WJXT the dog had never shown aggression toward any member of the family. DCF reminded parents how dangerous it is for pets to be around small children. "It's a very tragic case and our sympathy goes out to everyone who knew the child, " said Harrell. The final report on the incident is expected to take weeks to complete. WJXT reported the dog was euthanized.
Woman Killed By Pit Bull Pack
Posted: 1:53 pm EDT August 21, 2010MACON, Ga. -- Authorities have concluded that a woman wound in the backyard of a vacant home died after being mauled by a pack of pit bulls.Police found Tracey Brazzell Payne's body on Thursday at about 2 p.m. Authorities said the same dogs that attacked the 46-year-old woman also attacked a man walking past the empty south Macon home the night before. Coroner Leon Jones said Payne died of blunt force trauma and lacerations and that she had been dead six to eight hours.Macon police spokeswoman Jami Gaudet said authorities have not yet determined whether foul play was involved or who may have been responsible for the dogs not being restrained. Macon-Bibb County Animal Control picked up the dogs Thursday afternoon after Payne's body was found.
05/07/2010 Singer Vanessa Carlton bitten by dog in N.E. Pa. SHOHOLA, Pa. – The father of singer Vanessa Carlton says his daughter was bitten by a pit bull while jogging near his northeastern Pennsylvania home. Carlton's father, Ed, says his daughter is being treated with antibiotics following the May 2 incident in Shohola, about 100 miles north of Philadelphia.
Ed Carlton says his daughter was jogging along a road when a neighbor's dog bit her leg. Animal control officials have put the dog under a 10-day home quarantine. The state Department of Agriculture says a dog warden will examine the dog at the end of quarantine for signs of illness.
The 29-year-old songstress is best known for her 2002 hit "A Thousand Miles." She released her third album in 2007.
FULTON COUNTY, Ga. -- Police shot and killed a dog early Friday morning after it attacked a suspect they had in custody. Fulton County Police officials said the dog owner released the pit bull while officers wrestled with a suspect in his front yard. Channel 2 Action News reporter Darryn Moore talked to officers who told him the incident started when they got a call that a man was roaming the neighborhood near Sturbridge Way off Old National Highway, looking into cars. When officers arrived, they tried to question Meeko Brown, 31, but he ran, according to police.
Police caught up with Brown in front of a house on Sturbridge Way where they wrestled him to the ground. Two men in the house heard the commotion and thought a fight was going on. Apparently they didn't realize police officers were involved. Christopher Rich, 27, stepped out of the house and fired a shot into the air. "At that point, the gentlemen (the homeowner) set the dog on them," said Scott McBride of the Fulton County Police Department. The pit bull bit Brown in the neck, according to McBride. "The dog attacked the suspect," said McBride. "The officer had no choice but to shoot the dog and kill him." Police arrested Rich and charged him with discharging a weapon. They also arrested Brown after he was treated for the dog bite. No charges were filed against the dog owner.
Updated: 9:17 am EST February 24, 2010 CONYERS, Ga. -- A 5-day-old baby girl died Tuesday after being attacked by the family's pit bull dog, according to the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office.The infant's mother found the dog on top of the baby's bassinet on Thursday morning about 8:45 a.m. after hearing the baby crying."As she approached the bassinet, she realized that the dog had bitten her daughter," said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office in a release e-mailed to Channel 2 Action News.The parents took the baby to Rockdale Medical Center where she was airlifted to Children's HealthCare of Atlanta at Egleston. Surgery was performed on the infant and she was listed in critical condition. She died Tuesday as a result of her injuries.No charges are expected to be filed.The Sheriff's Office did not release the name of the family.
Posted: 12:04 pm EST February 23, 2010MARIETTA, Ga. -- A neighbor saved a 67-year-old woman from two attacking pit bulls Tuesday morning by beating the dogs with a statue. Mattie Craig said she hit the dogs so hard the statue broke in half. The two dogs attacked the first woman in a hallway at the Walton Village Apartments on Roberta Drive as she took her Jack Russell terrier out for his morning walk. The Walton Village is a senior citizen apartment complex. Marl Roberts saw the dogs attacking the woman and her dog.He described them as "well fed, big dogs." Craig said she heard the attack and went to see if she could help. "I said 'Maybe if I go down the elevator and be prepared to fight," said Craig. "I was prepared to fight." When Craig came out of the elevator the dogs were still attacking."The pit bull was standing up biting her dog and I hit him in the head with a statue and broke it," said Craig. She kept swinging until the dogs ran off. "I don't know where I got the nerve," Craig said. "I just had to do something." Then she pulled the victim to safety. "When I got home I thought, 'that was kind of brave,'" said Craig.
Animal control officers captured the dogs Tuesday morning and are searching for their owner.
February 21, 2010 DEKALB COUNTY, Ga. -- A 7-year-old girl who was the victim of a pit bull attack left the hospital Monday night. The dog attacked the girl in front of her home, nearly tearing off her leg. She was saved by a neighbor who beat the dog with a stick. Wednesday, the 7-year-old was in critical condition and doctors weren't sure her leg could be saved. Sunday, however, Ismael Paguada said his daughter would keep her leg. "I have had bad dreams about my daughter and that dog. It is in my mind when I'm sleeping," Paguada said.But those nightmares may soon disappear now that the love of his life is on the mend.
Killer pit bull was an illegal "dangerous dog" Police said on Tuesday the dog that savaged a four-year-old boy in Liverpool to death was an illegal pit bull type terrier and apologised for not chasing up warnings about the house where the attack occurred. John Paul Massey died after from injuries after being attacked by the dog at a house in the Wavertree area of the city on Monday while a 63-year-old woman who tried to stop the animal was injured. The dog was destroyed at the scene. Police said an independent expert has confirmed the dog was a prohibited breed under the Dangerous Dogs Act which bans the possession of certain types of dogs that are bred for fighting and a criminal investigation had been launched."Ascertaining the type of dog involved in this attack has been a complex issue," said Temporary Deputy Chief Constable Patricia Gallan of Merseyside Police. "It has taken some time to complete the examinations and post mortem before we have been able to confirm that it is an illegal type of dog." Gallan said she was "concerned and very disappointed" that officers had not followed up a warning in February that pit bulls were being bred at the house where the attack took place. "This is clearly unacceptable and we are sorry that Merseyside Police did not take the appropriate course of action at that time," she said."As a matter of urgency we began an immediate internal investigation to establish exactly what led to that call not being brought to the attention of our specialist dog unit." The matter had now been referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission. Nearly 200 illegal dogs were seized or handed over to police in the Liverpool area in the months after a pit-bull terrier killed a 5-year-old girl near the city in 2007. (Reporting by Michael Holden) 12/01/2009
Autopsy shows man died from pit bull attack August 12, 2009 - 5:13am
LEESBURG, Va. - A 20-year-old Leesburg man found dead in his home was apparently killed by two pit bulls, autopsy results show. The medical examiner concluded Carter Patrick Ridge Delaney had several puncture marks on his neck that were consistent with dog bites, Leesburg Police say. Delaney died from lack of blood and oxygen, according to the autopsy.His body was found in the foyer of his home in the 100 block of Plaza Street Monday afternoon after relatives called police because they hadn't heard from him.Delaney's body was found near the body of a mixed-breed pug. Necropsy results on the pug are not available."These dogs, for whatever reason, attacked him and that little dog," says Leesburg Police spokesman Chris Jones.
Police say they will continue to investigate, but it appears the attack was accidental."We're exploring the possibility the dogs were supposed to be in backyard but somehow got into the home," Jones tells WTOP.The two pit bulls that are about four years old were owned by Delaney's brother, Thomas Delaney. Police say the pit bulls were properly licensed and had their shots.There is no indication the pit bulls were being used for fighting.When police arrived at the home, they found five dogs, including a cocker spaniel and pit bull puppy, in the home.According to animal control, which sent four animal control officers to the scene, the two pit bulls were covered in blood and behaving aggressively. The pit bulls remained quarantined with Loudoun County Animal Control.Officials are expected to meet Wednesday with the Delaney's family to decide what will be done with the dogs, says Adrienne Lawson, lead officer with the Loudoun Department of Animal Care and Control.Under Virginia law, if a dog attack results in a human fatality, the case is taken to court to determine whether the dog should be euthanized, Lawson said.
(Copyright 2009 by WTOP and The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)
TOP.
Pit bull seized after attack on 3-year-old Brentwood girl By Robert Salonga Contra Costa Times 08/12/2009 05:50:25 PM PDT BRENTWOOD — A family pit bull bit a 3-year-old girl Monday evening, causing serious leg injuries, in an apparent response to the child's crying, police said. The girl was taken by helicopter to UC Davis Medical Center and is expected to recover, Sgt. Mark Misquez said. She was severely bitten on her left leg and suffered a less serious bite on her right leg.
Contra Costa County Animal Services took custody of the dog, which will be quarantined at a Martinez facility until the agency completes an investigation into why the dog attacked the girl, Misquez said. The girl was injured about 6:30 p.m. Monday in her home in the 2400 block of Positano Avenue."The child was crying, the dog became agitated and attacked the child," Misquez said. Police, emergency personnel and animal services all responded to the 911 call made from the home. The girl's family told investigators that before the attack, they have had no trouble with the animal, which they described as a guard dog. "The family was traumatized and shocked by the incident," Misquez said. Misquez said animal services is exploring whether the attack was sparked by any negligence on the owner's part, but otherwise police are treating the case as an isolated occurrence
Spotsylvania woman, dog attacked by pit bull owned by her son By AP August 6, 2009 FREDERICKSBURG — Spotsylvania County authorities say a 60-year-old woman and her Labrador were attacked by a pit bull owned by her son.The Spotsylvania County Sheriff’s Office says the woman suffered numerous bites and broke her shin bone and finger during the Sunday attack. Her dog was euthanized because of life-threatening injuries.The victim originally stated that she was walking her dog when a dog ran toward her and started attacking her dog. Authorities canvassed the area in an attempt to locate the dog, but were unable to find the animal.An anonymous tip led authorities to the victim’s son, Michael Baggett, who told police his pit bull attacked his mother and her dog.Results of an investigation will be reviewed by prosecutors.
Pitbull attacks woman on bike in Forsyth CountyAugust 03, 2009
A pitbull bit a 36-year-old woman on the leg at least eight times July 25 as she was riding her bicycle near Imperial Drive, said Forsyth deputies. According to the incident report, the dog was running loose in the front yard of one of the homes in the Shady Shores subdivision.Witnesses on scene said the dog is unleashed regularly and once tried to attack at least one of them. A 23-year-old man who was sitting in the driveway of the home said he sometimes feeds the dog but that it is not his.
The animal was put in 10-day quarantine under county policy.
Boy attacked by neighbor’s pit bulls By Joe Johnson | Athens Banner-Herald | Story updated at 1:57 pm on 6/12/2009A trio of pit bulls mauled a 13-year-old this afternoon at an eastside apartment complex. The teen was returning to his home from the basketball court at Willow Mist apartments on Seagraves Drive at about 12:15 p.m. when a pit bull apparently jumped through the screen window of a neighbor’s apartment, Athens-Clarke police said. The teen tried to run, but the dog knocked him to the ground and bit his face, abdomen and legs, according to police.Two smaller pit bulls ran from the same apartment and joined the attack. “The boy tried to outrun them, but they caught him and tackled him,” police Lt. Keith Morris said. “They just mauled him.” The teen managed to escape to his apartment, where someone called the police. “It’s the worst dog attack I’ve seen in my 26 years,” Senior Police Officer Charlie Snyder said. The teen was taken to Athens Regional Medical Center for treatment. The dogs’ owner was not home at the time, and police haven’t decided whether to file criminal charges. Athens-Clarke Animal Control officers took custody of the smaller pit bulls but continue to search for the larger dog that initiated the attack. Originally published in the Athens Banner-Herald on Friday, June 12, 2009
Atlanta, GA 5/18/2009 Man Says Pit Bulls Attacked Him Twice In City Park Posted: 4:26 pm ATLANTA -- Animal control officials in Atlanta spent Monday trying to locate two very large pit bulls that a southwest Atlanta man said attacked him twice in a city park. The man said after he complained about the first attack, the owner let the dogs bite him again. After the man was attacked in the park, he walked two blocks and found some men to help him get an ambulance. While he was being helped, he said he saw the dogs and their owner getting away as police were arriving. Herbert Martin was working on his car on Ira Street when the victim walked up and asked someone to call 911. He was bleeding. "(He was bleeding) very badly, both arms. (It) seemed like he had a bit to the face. (It) tore his pants," said Martin. As Martin called 911, the man told him he'd been in Pittman Park two blocks away when two pit bulls being walked by a woman attacked him. JEFF DORE: Man Says Dogs Attacked Him Twice At Park "And they attacked him. And she got the dogs off of him but then when he complained, he said, 'You know you shouldn't let those dogs do that to people,' and she just let them go again on him. Like on purpose, is what he said," said Martin. The victim described the dogs' owner and her car to Martin and neighbor R.W. Smith. "He pointed to her," said Smith.The victim pointed to a woman who lived on that block and who keeps two very large pit bulls chained on the porch of a vacant house across the street, according to Martin and Smith. Martin said when he sees the dogs, he "walks on the other side of the street." Animal control cruised the neighborhood and left a message for the owner, but by then she had put the dogs in her car and left. Witnesses described the car as a 1998 or 1999 gold Grand Am with a temporary tag.The victim was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital to be treated. There is no word on his condition.
Milton officer shoots pit bull by Jason Wright April 13, 2009A Milton police officer shot a charging pit bull in the chest during the very early morning of April 2 at a home on Birmingham Highway. According to the incident report, the resident at 16225 Birmingham Highway had called police three times between March 31 – when two dogs killed and ate his rabbits – and April 2, when the dog was finally shot by an officer as it charged at him from the home's porch.During the first call March 31, Fulton County Animal Control captured one of the two pit bulls that ate the resident's rabbits. The other managed to escape. The next day at about 7:10 p.m., the resident came home from work and was chased into his home by the second dog. The officer who would later be forced to shoot the dog found the animal in the front yard and called animal control to catch it. The responding animal control officer told the Milton policeman "He could not chase the dog ... but someone would come back the following morning to set a trap for the dog."Apparently this was the same line given to the responding Milton police officer the day before, but no traps were ever set.On April 2, the resident called once again. He said he'd been chased into his house by the same dog, which was now camped out on his porch and would not let him leave. The man said his 3-year-old son would be coming that day and he was worried the animal would attack his boy."He wanted the dog removed and said that he felt that if we were unable to help him, he would have to go get a gun and take care of the animal himself," wrote the officer. "His statement did not sound unreasonable to me in any way."At about 1:11 a.m. the officer arrived at the house. While he could not see the dog, he could hear it growling, he said.The animal began charging him from the porch, so he shot it once in the chest. It ran to the woods, and animal control was called to find the dog. According to the report, they never came.
Pit bull fatally mauls Michigan boy; dad kills dog EASTPOINTE, Mich. — Police near Detroit say a family's pit bull terrier fatally mauled a 1-year-old boy and the boy's father killed the dog. Eastpointe police Lt. Darrell Corsi says the toddler was attacked Wednesday afternoon at his home in Eastpointe, just northeast of Detroit. Corsi says the boy's father shot the dog to death with a handgun. The child was pronounced dead at St. John Hospital. Corsi says no one else was injured. The names of the boy and his father have not been released. Police are investigating the attack. It wasn't immediately known whether charges would be filed.April 22, 2009 - 6:32 p.m. EDT
5-year-old killed by pit bulls in Thomasville Associated Press Wednesday, January 07, 2009 THOMASVILLE — A five-year-old Thomasville girl was killed by three pit bulls on Monday.Thomasville Police said the child, identified as Cheyenne Peppers, was pronounced dead at a local hospital just before 5 p.m.Metro and state news Investigators said the girl was playing in her yard when she was attacked by the family’s pets. Police said the canines were turned over to animal control officers to be euthanized.Authorities have not determine if any criminal charges will be filed
Pit bull attacks students at bus stop Five from South Atlanta High School taken to hospital By MIKE MORRIS The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Friday, August 29, 2008 Five high school students were taken to a hospital Friday morning after being attacked by a dog at their southeast Atlanta bus stop, police and school officials said.None of the injuries to the students from South Atlanta High School were believed to be life-threatening, but police were forced to kill the dog to stop the attack, Atlanta police spokesman James Polite said.• Atlanta and Fulton County news Officers responding to a 911 call from the corner of Baywood and Bromack drives “witnessed a pit bull being aggressive and attacking several individuals,” Polite said. “Someone tried to hold the dog down, but the dog was still aggressive, and was trying to bite at those that were trying to hold him down,” he said. “The dog got away and was trying to attack some more people, and for the safety of the officers and the children that were in the immediate area, an officer discharged his weapon one time, striking and killing the dog.” The five injured students were taken by Grady EMS to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta at Hughes Spalding for treatment. Their ages were not immediately available.
Just before noon, police were still trying to determine if the dog was a stray or if it belonged to someone in the area, a neighborhood off Cleveland Avenue.
Roswell, GA - Authorities said that dog bites and dog attacks are on a dramatic rise in our state of Georgia. A Roswell woman was walking down her side walk this morning, June 27, when a pit bull broke away from its owner and viciously mauled the innocent Roswell woman who has not yet been identified. Charles Tedford, president of the homeowners association in the Lake Forest subdivision said that neighbors tried to stop the attack by beating the dog with sticks and shovels, but they didn't succeed. The dog finally stopped, attacked the neighbor who had been hitting it with a shovel and bit him in the arm. When the dog turned to attack another neighbor, he was killed with .45-caliber pistol. Roswell Police Lieutenant James McGee said that the Roswell woman was in surgery Friday morning at North Fulton Regional Hospital for severe injuries. -3Year-Old Killed By Pit Bull Officer Shoots Dog In Self-Defense POSTED: 10:25 am EDT July 23, 2008JACKSON, Miss. -- The family of a 3-year-old boy mauled to death by a pit bull wants the dog put down.Tony Evans Jr. was killed after he wandered close to a chained pit bull on Tuesday at a home at 112 Maple Ridge Drive, according to the boy’s uncle Ray Powell. The dog was able to reach Evans and bit him in the abdomen. Powell said that the dog’s owner and two family members were watching the boy Tuesday evening. During a news conference on Wednesday, Assistant Police Chief Gerald Jones said that the boy’s parents and the owner of the dog had been questioned, but that it was not a criminal matter. Police said that an officer had to shoot the dog in self-defense. The pit bull survived the shooting and was recovered by the Animal Control Unit. The dog was quarantined on Wednesday at the Jackson animal control headquarters.
The owner of the dog didn’t violate any city ordinances because the dog was chained and confined to the property, Jones said. Animal control will conduct an investigation to determine if the pit bull should be labeled a dangerous dog, Jones said. If labeled a dangerous dog, the pit bull can be euthanized, or the owner can be required to follow several stipulations, which are outlined in the city’s dangerous dog ordinance.
Tony Evans Jr. was killed after he wandered close to a chained pit bull on Tuesday at a home at 112 Maple Ridge Drive, according to the boy’s uncle Ray Powell. The dog was able to reach Evans and bit him in the abdomen. During a news conference on Wednesday, Assistant Police Chief Gerald Jones said that the boy’s parents and the owner of the dog had been questioned, but that it was not a criminal matter. Police said that an officer had to shoot the dog in self-defense. The pit bull survived the shooting and was recovered by the Animal Control Unit. The dog was quarantined on Wednesday at the Jackson animal control headquarters.
Animal control will conduct an investigation to determine if the pit bull should be labeled a dangerous dog, Jones said. If labeled a dangerous dog, the pit bull can be euthanized, or the owner can be required to follow several stipulations, which are outlined in the city’s dangerous dog ordinance.
http://www.wsbtv.com./news/16964325/detail.html Feisty Jack Russell dies after saving five children from marauding pit bulls This is an ode to a dog. Not just any dog, mind you. This is a real-life Lassie, a hero who died protecting his young masters from two much bigger and much more dangerous animals.This is, in the end, a sad story. New Zealand media report that George, a 9-year-old Jack Russell terrier, suffered fatal wounds while protecting five young children from two vicious pit bulls.
Richard Rosewarne, 11, tells his local paper that the pit bulls came up behind them and were going for his 4-year-old brother, Darryl Wilson, when tiny George jumped between them. "These two pit bulls rushed up and were going for the little boy. George went for them, it's what he would do. He didn't stand a chance, but I reckon he saved that boy from being chewed up," owner Alan Gay, 69, tells the Taranaki Daily News. "These pitbulls should be banned. They're killers and it comes from them being bred for fighting." The dogs that killed George were covered in his blood when they returned home, and are now being kept in a local pound where they will be destroyed, the local paper reports. Their owner is said to face possible prosecution. Radio New Zealand says the local government plans to crack down on dangerous dogs. Update at 4:52 p.m. ET: The ASPCA has a page devoted to pit bulls. Here's what the group has to say about the breed's reputation for being too aggressive: Pit bulls were genetically selected for their fighting prowess. What does this mean? What it doesn’t mean is that pit bulls can’t be around other dogs or that they are unpredictably aggressive, or that they will fight to the death. What it does mean is that pit bulls can easily be encouraged to be aggressive toward other dogs or, to put it another way, it takes less to arouse a pit bull than many other breeds to be aggressive toward other dogs. A search for what set off pet pit bulls' lethal attack Jaxon Van Derbeken, Demian Bulwa, Jason B. Johnson, Janine DeFao, Chronicle Staff Writers Sunday, June 5, 2005 Choking back tears, the mother of a 12-year-old boy killed by his family's pit bulls called Friday's fatal mauling an accident involving "happy, friendly pets" that had never acted violently before. Colm Brennan said he hopes his grandson's death will Nicholas Faibish was alone with his family's pit bulls Fatal S.F. Mauling Mother: It was a 'freak accident'Training determines breed's disposition, animal experts say Nevius: Tougher laws needed Mauling victim is mourned Nevius: Supporters of pit bulls won't let go City to review its options on pit bulls Foundation to help victims of dog maulings Regulations pursued in wake of mauling 'Devastating tragedy' for mom Two Cents: Pit bull experiences Family pit bulls kill 12-year-old boy Expert defends canine breed Discuss menacing dogs . This is just a devastating tragedy," said Maureen Faibish, the morning after her son Nicholas was attacked while home alone in their Sunset District apartment.While Nicholas' family and investigators struggled Saturday to understand what turned two supposedly loving pets into killers, dog experts said a confluence of factors may have created the potential for an attack. The family was moving to Oregon, with their apartment nearly empty and their belongings boxed up, a change in the environment that can stress animals. Nicholas' father, Steve -- the dogs' primary master -- had already been gone for weeks in Oregon. The dogs reportedly were not neutered, which can cause aggressive behavior, experts said. And the boy was alone with the dogs for at least two hours. "There's always a trigger. It can happen with any kind of dog," said Robert Arrick of Park Animal Hospital, a veterinarian who had treated the dogs, Rex and Ella. "But with pit bulls, the damage is much worse."San Francisco police said Saturday that determining the circumstances of the attack was the focus of their investigation. "Our concerns are for the family,'' police spokesman Neville Gittens said.Mother gone 2 hours Authorities said Faibish, who had been shopping for about two hours, came home about 3:15 p.m. Friday to find her son bloody, partially clothed and lifeless in a front bedroom. His face was mauled, and he was covered with bite wounds and had a hole in his scalp from the attack. Next-door neighbor Raisa Akinshin said she ran to a balcony and called to Faibish through her closed window. When Faibish opened her shade, Akinshin saw both Faibish and the room drenched in blood, which she described as "a scene out of a horror movie." She called 911. Ella was blocking the door when police arrived and was shot. Rex, who was eventually found hiding in the backyard, was taken away by animal control officers and remained in custody Saturday. Based on the evidence, it appeared that Nicholas had struggled to fend off the attack and had put up "a hell of a fight,'' a law enforcement official said. Outside the home across from Golden Gate Park on Saturday, votive candles and bouquets of roses and daisies were laid on the worn steps in front of a metal gate. A shred of yellow police tape lay on the sidewalk near a square of pavement where the family had traced their names in wet concrete last year -- the parents; children Nicholas, Ashley, 10, and Christopher, 9; and the two dogs. Nicholas' maternal grandfather, Colm Brennan, who owns the small apartment building on Lincoln Way, walked by with his Jack Russell terrier, pausing at the shrine.
"I'll tell you what I would do: kill every pit bull in San Francisco," a red-eyed Brennan said earlier between sobs. "I don't like pit bulls, never have." 'Don't trust them' "This is a lesson for people who have pit bulls and children. Don't trust them," said Brennan, adding that he hopes his grandson's death will start a movement against the breed. Brennan said he had told his daughter his feelings about the pit bulls, although he had never seen the family's dogs act aggressively.
A woman sitting by the shrine in a wheelchair identified herself as Maureen Faibish's sister, Cathy French. She said the dogs had never given any indication that they might turn on the family. "They had these dogs since they were puppies, and there was never a problem," said French. "It doesn't make any sense." French said the only thing she can think of is that Ella may have been in heat at the time, causing the animal to lash out at Nicholas. Reached by phone, Maureen Faibish called her son a bright, gentle boy. "He did not do anything wrong," she said. "He was a 12-year-old boy who was very loved by everybody. He was the greatest kid in the world." She asked that people pray for the family. The dogs were familiar on that stretch of Lincoln Way, often tied up with rope outside their garage, being walked by Steve Faibish or even roaming the street unleashed. Neighbors described them as friendly, but rambunctious and poorly trained. Randy Geyer, who lives two doors down in a cottage that faces the Faibishes' backyard, said he frequently saw Nicholas and his two siblings with the 80-pound dogs in the yard. He said the children often hit the dogs in the face, but they never reacted aggressively.
"This whole thing is so bizarre. I'm just shocked," Geyer said. "They're all nice people, and the dogs were so sweet." Neighbor Akinshin said she never saw the children mistreat the dogs. She said the family got Rex about a year and a half ago as a 4-month-old puppy. Ella came a few months later. Geyer said Steve Faibish told him he planned to breed the dogs. Geyer assumed Faibish, a construction framer who was often out of work, hoped to earn some money selling puppies. Female in heat a catalyst? Arrick, the veterinarian, said he last saw the dogs on a routine visit at Park Animal Hospital nearly a year ago. There were no signs they were mistreated, but at the time, they were not neutered. He said that can cause male dogs to be more aggressive, especially if the female is in heat. Dog experts also said the situation -- with the family moving and Steve Faibish, the dog's master, out of town -- could trigger an attack. "Whenever you have an environment that's changing, it creates stress in animals just as it does in people,'' said Gail Golab, a spokeswoman for the American Veterinary Medical Association. Trish King, director of behavior and training at the Marin Humane Society and author of the book "Parenting Your Dog," said a dog's behavior can change if a primary caretaker is away. "If the dogs were roughhousing, for instance, and (Nicholas) tried to break them up, they might discipline him. And they can get carried away," King said. "There's a huge genetic tendency to behave in certain ways. Herding dogs tend to herd. Dogs bred to fight each other, like pit bulls, tend to get aroused very quickly, unless you breed it out of them." Dr. Patrick Melese, an animal behavior specialist in San Diego, said it can create a volatile situation to leave a boy alone with dogs when their dominant owner is gone for some time. "Often at dangerous risk are people who are not seen as the highest- ranking members of that social group, such as children,'' Melese said. That's because dogs seek to dominate lesser members of the group.
"The dogs say, hey, there's no one to stop us.''
This just in this week, not a pit bull but another Apex animal being what it is...
Captive bear that killed Ohio man is euthanized The father of a 24-year-old Brent Kandra, who was killed by a captive bear in Ohio, says several relatives watched a veterinarian euthanize the animal.By Mark Duncan, AP The father of a 24-year-old Brent Kandra, who was killed by a captive bear in Ohio, says several relatives watched a veterinarian euthanize the animal. COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — The father of a 24-year-old Ohio man who was killed by a captive bear says the animal is dead.
John Kandra says several relatives watched a veterinarian euthanize the bear on Saturday. It had attacked Kandra's son, Brent, after he opened the bear's cage for a routine feeding Thursday.The bear's owner, Sam Mazzola, had said Kandra's family would decide its fate. Mazzola's lawyer didn't return a call for comment on Saturday.Kandra's father describes his son as a blond boy who fished his way through childhood in the rivers of northeastern Ohio. He says his son had returned to tending to Mazzola's exotic animals just weeks before he was killed."We don't know whether something startled the bear or what prompted the bear to get aggressive with the caretaker," Lorain County Sheriff's Capt. James Drozdowski said.
Kandra died Friday morning at MetroHealth Medical Center of injuries consistent with a bear attack, a coroner said.In comments to reporters outside his compound earlier in the week, Mazzola said he was the only witness to the attack. He declined to describe what happened, but said the bear was the victim's favorite.
"It's one that he played with constantly, every time that he was here," Mazzola said."I want them to know that Brent loved the bear very much and I'm sure the bear loved him very much," he said.Mazzola had filed for bankruptcy this year and had convictions for illegally selling and transporting animals. Authorities will investigate before deciding on any criminal charges.The property held about seven to nine bears and 20 wolves, and possibly a lion and three or four tigers, Drozdowski said. Neighbors said he also kept coyotes. Mazzola said in his bankruptcy filing in May in federal court in Cleveland that he owned two white tigers, two Bengal tigers, an African lion, eight bears and 12 wolves.The filing also listed "Ceasar the Wrestling Bear" as a Mazzola trademark.For more than 20 years, Mazzola took money from people to wrestle a bear or have a picture taken in a cage with his other bears or a tiger.People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals demanded in 2006 that the U.S. Department of Agriculture take away Mazzola's license to exhibit exotic animals. Mazzola's response at the time was: "To be able to bring an animal out into the public and do what we do is not easy. I mean we're talking about a bear! Do you even realize how much work, time and love we put into that? It's like nobody stops to realize that."The USDA did revoke Mazzola's license to exhibit animals, spokeswoman Andrea McNally said, but noted that the agency does not regulate private ownership of exotic animals.Ohio requires permits for anyone owning bears in the state, and Mazzola has had such permits for 20 years, including one for nine bears for 2010, according to the Ohio Department of Natural Resources. Ohio does not regulate the ownership of non-native animals, including lions or tigers.Mazzola's street divides Cleveland's outer suburbs from rural Lorain County, with an upscale development on the suburban side and older, widely separated homes on the other. His gate was closed Friday with a no-trespassing sign posted, and sheriff's deputies were posted nearby.Neighbors said they were fed up with noise and the risk to the neighborhood."It's gotten worse the past few years. It's gotten noisier. He didn't have the wolves and the coyotes before. You can't sleep with the window open," Burrington said.Raymond O'Leary, a retired Cleveland police officer who lives in the development, said it was like living "next to the zoo.""It's a concern to all of us," said O'Leary, 76. "We can hear the animals in the evening, at feeding time, roaring over there."Mazzola pleaded guilty in September 2009 in federal court to transporting a black bear to Toledo without a license, records show. He also pleaded guilty to selling a skunk without a license at a pet store he operated and trying to sell another skunk. He was sentenced to three years' probation and ordered to perform 250 hours of community service.A neighbor and friend of Mazzola's, Michael Strickland, 48, praised his work with animals."He treats the animals as if they were his children," he said. "He takes excellent care of the animals."Bear attacks in the wild have already killed at least two people this year.Federal wildlife officials in June tracked down and killed a grizzly bear suspected of fatally mauling a man in Wyoming. A grizzly bear mauled three campers in Montana in late July, leaving one man dead and two people with serious injuries.
By GILLIAN FLACCUS, Associated Press Writer
BIG BEAR LAKE, Calif. - The owner of a wild animal training center where a grizzly bear killed a handler says the animal is a "loving, affectionate, friendly, safe bear," but he is at a loss to explain how a "simple routine" turned tragic. In an emotional phone interview with The Associated Press late Wednesday, Randy Miller said he was overwhelmed with grief at the death of his cousin, Stephan Miller, who was killed Tuesday during the filming of a promotional video at Randy Miller's Predators in Action center. "It's ... killing me. We were brothers," Randy Miller said, close to tears.Miller, who witnessed the attack, would not talk in detail about what happened, but said the bear, a 5-year-old male named Rocky, was trained to wrestle with experienced handlers.
"It's a playful behavior brought out on cue," he said. But when Rocky suddenly bit his cousin in the neck, "it hit him in a very vulnerable spot. If it had hit his arm or something it would have been bad," but wouldn't have cost him his life, Miller said. "It happened so fast," he said. "We did what we had to do to stop the bear. It took a matter of seconds to get him off, but it was too late." Handlers used pepper spray to subdue the bear. Paramedics arriving shortly after the initial emergency call were unable to revive Stephan Miller. A 911 recording documented desperate efforts to save him before paramedics arrived.
"He's bleeding heavily from his neck. ... We need someone here immediately," a woman told the operator, who directed emergency procedures while determining that the bear was contained.
"We gotcha; holding on to you, man," a male voice said before it was clear Stephan Miller was no longer breathing. Matt Wilson, 18, a neighbor who lives up a dirt road from the animal center, said Randy Miller went to Wilson's family's house after the attack for comfort. Miller told Wilson's family his staff had been filming an advertisement when the bear attacked. "They were filming it and the bear started licking (Stephan Miller's) face and then all of a sudden it just bit him," Wilson said. "He was just really upset and didn't know why it happened."
Randy Miller said he doesn't know what will happen to Rocky, who has performed in commercials and recently appeared in the Will Ferrell movie "Semi-Pro." In the meantime, the 700-pound, 7 1/2-foot-tall bear remains in his cage. The state Department of Fish and Game investigated the attack but will not decide whether the bear will be euthanized because the attack occurred outside its jurisdiction on a private site, department spokesman Harry Morse said. State occupational safety officials are trying to determine if they have jurisdiction, said Kate McGuire, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Industrial Relations.
The center had its permits and was up to code, said San Bernardino Sheriff's spokeswoman Jodi Miller, who is not related to Randy or Stephan Miller.The facility also houses two brown bears and a black bear, along with various snakes and reptiles, an alligator, crocodile, leopard, mountain lion, four African lions and four tigers. Randy Miller built his Hollywood career by training wild animals to perform on cue and safely recreate legendary animal attacks for Discovery Channel and National Geographic documentary producers, including the tiger mauling of illusionist Roy Horn during a Siegfried & Roy show in Las Vegas.
"I'm not blaming the animal," Miller said of Rocky. "We're fast and efficient if there's a problem. These kinds of scenes I do — we're putting ourselves in a vulnerable position a lot." Hollywood filmmaker Nick Palumbo said he sometimes visited Stephan and Randy Miller while they worked with the grizzly. "Stephan was my best friend. Anybody who killed him I would want to kill, but I don't believe the bear meant to hurt him," said Palumbo, adding that he was torn about what should happen to Rocky. "Stephan loved the bear. He and his cousin raised it," Palumbo said. He said his friend left behind a wife and two children.
Colleagues describe Randy Miller as a top-class trainer dedicated to safety and the care of his animals. Stephan Miller was also an experienced trainer, said Chemaine Almquist, founder of an exotic animal center in Phelan called Forever Wild and a friend of the Millers.
"He's always on the ball, making sure everything is extra safe," she said of Randy Miller. "He's always the one who says, `You've got to do this, check the locks twice, you gotta wear pepper spray.' When I first found out, I was ready to throw up." The remote Predators in Action campus is tucked off a private, dirt road high in the snow-capped San Bernardino Mountains, a two-hour drive from Los Angeles. Its only neighbors are a few vacation cabins and a campground.
Pit Bulls, Tigers and Bears..... oh my! All raised by humans to be gentle in most cases, yet animals returning to be apex animals, what a shock!___
Alone and awaiting
Waiting is not one of my strong points, and I hate having worry on top of it. Jeremy's papers are in the pot and hopefully he will receive them Monday or Tuesday and they will take another three or four to get to London and then after receipt 5 more days for his passport. Sigh, then once the passport is there, we will have to shop for plane tickets and hope that we can find one that won't take every cent we have. Once he gets here there the matter of the house which we have to take over immediately from Carlos (see prev. posts) before he is unable to sign the papers. Then because J. will be here on the fiance visa k-1 program we will have 90 days to marry. Money money money... its a never ending drain... and
I do not have it...
The hospital let the wee ones in to see Carlos today, I hope they realize that the little ones are not aware he is dying.
I am trying to hold myself together though I myself am in pieces. Last week the Dr. mandated me to see a GYN/surgeon to take care of my anemia problem. I am torn between fearing a hysterectomy and possible female castration, or actually having a viable blood count and the ability to have energy. I am also torn knowing that J does not have children of his own, and my time is running out to do so. Even if this problem is cured and my parts spared there is no guarantee that I could ever conceive again.
I also heard today that my father who had been doing well has pneumonia too.
Where does it end?
I do not have it...
The hospital let the wee ones in to see Carlos today, I hope they realize that the little ones are not aware he is dying.
I am trying to hold myself together though I myself am in pieces. Last week the Dr. mandated me to see a GYN/surgeon to take care of my anemia problem. I am torn between fearing a hysterectomy and possible female castration, or actually having a viable blood count and the ability to have energy. I am also torn knowing that J does not have children of his own, and my time is running out to do so. Even if this problem is cured and my parts spared there is no guarantee that I could ever conceive again.
I also heard today that my father who had been doing well has pneumonia too.
Where does it end?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Stop the world, I want off now....
Although I am now on the Adderall to help me with concentration I am struggling with the whole getting through a day thing. I love my new job, but the same time I am struggling to understand and keep up with all the paper work. I just can't keep my mind on work with all the crap I am going through. And I had to get glasses this week.
The Dr told me yesterday that my blood counts are way off again, 8.5 out of 13-15 normal hemoglobin and high sugar, though i found that hard to believe as I am anal about what I eat, nonetheless, I am back on Glucophage and I hate it. I hate diabetes! Its not fair that I can't eat what I think I need to eat when I want to eat it (I do not eat badly!) and what I want to eat. This bland, over-proteined lo carb lo-seasoned eating is crap, and perhaps if a Dr could make a decent diet that was palatable and tasty maybe more people would be able to stick to one a lot easier. Also fresh veggies and meat at every meal is expensive. I can eat Ramen noodles for .10 cents a package and adding some veg and cheese and be satisfied and feel like I haven't broken my food budget.
Enough with people wanting to mind my business, I want my own life back, not someone else's watered down version of it. I don't have an exciting life, in fact its rather boring, but its mine, and I didn't give anyone else permission to take it over, i neither want nor asked for structure and schedules and yet slowly this is what is happening. i am being told when to get up, when to eat, what to eat and how to cook and season it, when to take all these meds, when to sleep, whenI should wake up, (god forbid I oversleep, especially on the weekend!) what kind of exercise I should get and for how long and when I should do this and when and who I should see at the Dr's , and the what fors etc. Enough.I tend to balk at people who boss me around, and I am feeling the same way here. I realize I shouldn't feel this way, but I am real good at playing the stubborn spoiled brat, just ask Jeremy if you don't believe me.
I am also back on iron, but the Dr said enough is enough and referred me to a surgeon on Monday. not looking forward to that either. That is the last place I want a surgeon poking around.
Went to see my ex today at the hospital ICU, and he asked me to feed him. I just felt so bad for him, I don't know what to say, Sorry that your dying, anything you need?"Want some pudding?" Sounds a bit trite, No? I feel so helpless as concerned to him and its dragging me further down. I am so worried about everything right now , I don't rest, I can't concentrate, all I can do is just tryand drag myself through each day and get well myself, and wonder what else will happen tomorrow...
The Dr told me yesterday that my blood counts are way off again, 8.5 out of 13-15 normal hemoglobin and high sugar, though i found that hard to believe as I am anal about what I eat, nonetheless, I am back on Glucophage and I hate it. I hate diabetes! Its not fair that I can't eat what I think I need to eat when I want to eat it (I do not eat badly!) and what I want to eat. This bland, over-proteined lo carb lo-seasoned eating is crap, and perhaps if a Dr could make a decent diet that was palatable and tasty maybe more people would be able to stick to one a lot easier. Also fresh veggies and meat at every meal is expensive. I can eat Ramen noodles for .10 cents a package and adding some veg and cheese and be satisfied and feel like I haven't broken my food budget.
Enough with people wanting to mind my business, I want my own life back, not someone else's watered down version of it. I don't have an exciting life, in fact its rather boring, but its mine, and I didn't give anyone else permission to take it over, i neither want nor asked for structure and schedules and yet slowly this is what is happening. i am being told when to get up, when to eat, what to eat and how to cook and season it, when to take all these meds, when to sleep, whenI should wake up, (god forbid I oversleep, especially on the weekend!) what kind of exercise I should get and for how long and when I should do this and when and who I should see at the Dr's , and the what fors etc. Enough.I tend to balk at people who boss me around, and I am feeling the same way here. I realize I shouldn't feel this way, but I am real good at playing the stubborn spoiled brat, just ask Jeremy if you don't believe me.
I am also back on iron, but the Dr said enough is enough and referred me to a surgeon on Monday. not looking forward to that either. That is the last place I want a surgeon poking around.
Went to see my ex today at the hospital ICU, and he asked me to feed him. I just felt so bad for him, I don't know what to say, Sorry that your dying, anything you need?"Want some pudding?" Sounds a bit trite, No? I feel so helpless as concerned to him and its dragging me further down. I am so worried about everything right now , I don't rest, I can't concentrate, all I can do is just tryand drag myself through each day and get well myself, and wonder what else will happen tomorrow...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Undernumbered, Overwhelmed....
Things have taken a turn for the worse.... The father of my children was diagnosed with stage 4 adrenocarcinoma, in other words terminal lung cancer. If he doesn't have tumors in his brain, he has about 10 months to live. My oldest daughter is his next of kin and she has had to grow up very quickly. It doesn't seem fair, but when is life fair?
OTOH my visit with the Dr went quite well. Finally a Dr who actually knows what Asperger's syndrome is, and actually gets it when I talk to him. I told him of my concentration problems and he started me on a low dose of adderall (generic) even with insurance its 20.00 a bottle, not very economic, but.... from the first day I can say I feel more clear and a little more energized. maybe when he bumps the dose in a month I can actually feel some motivation.... sigh, with everything going on here, it seems likely that it will stay tanked.
I need so many things, and I just don't have the ways/means to get/deal with/put up with. I am so mentally tired....
Monday, April 7, 2008
Still feeling odd
I overdid the caffiene and felt a little better yesterday. I still didn't get much done, though and it weighs on my mind. I am so distracted, so weirded out. Nothing is as it should be. I go to that clinical trial for ADD tommorow, though frankly I am terrified... I am forcing myself out of my house to go. I am not up to being social and talking to strangers and it truly bothers me. I have a general Dr's apt , brand new Dr since I now have insurance. Boy, he is going to have a handful with me, but I guess that's what HMO GP's sign up for...on Friday morning and my eye apt is on Thursday afternoon, since I didn't pass my eye exam for my job, and I can't see the normal font an overstuffed sofa arm away from the desk. I am terrified of the bills I have right now, I am worried about my ex since he makes my mortgage payments, I think I mentioned he is in the hospital with pneumonia and congestive heart problems. Sigh, I don't want to feel sorry for myself but at the same time, my gosh, what did I do to get all this????!!!!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Spring Confusion
I have gotten myself into a financial situation that is atm unsolvable and could risk my keeping my children. Atm I am without water and soon to be without gas, both bill ranging over 1000.00. I don't know really how they got that high. I am still off anti-depressants since the bronchitis. I'm not sure they were helping that much anymore anyway, and now my problems seem to be more of the ADD type rather than depression. I have decided to try and enter a study to see if I can get a reasonable diagnosis and possibly meds to help me with concentration. Did I mention my grandmother died this last week? She was 95 and suffered from Alzheimer's disease. She was also on Zoloft for many years so I guess I am not such a pear on the apple tree after all. My family makes me feel as if I am so weird compared to them. I just can't be like them. I have no clue how to be organized. I am making strides in getting my life back together and then the house of cards I am building gets sucked down by the least little thing. (Lately they have been huge things) I stand in the ruins and am clueless of what to do.I have no idea where some necessary things are in the house and I am feeling absolutely nuts. Where to start again, .ATM I feel almost like why bother, and keep my own personal pity party. I am not coping well. I am alone this week thank god, my kids are staying at their aunts. But last night I found out my ex, who I really don't have hard feelings against, is in the hospital with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. So he can't help me with my bills either. My kids are safe with their aunt and I guess its the best place for them right now, I just need to get myself together, I just can't find the right starting point, the energy, anymore.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Lots to catch up
I've had bronchitis on top of all my other little pasky ailments.... and I've decided to take myself off all meds, funnily enough I've lost 5 lbs, go figure.
My Dad is doing ok, he also had bronchitis, hopefully not from me, and has taken his 5th chemo, and a new pet scan that says his tumor is shrinking whch hopefully is an indication that it is going away. Jeremy had his medical but hasn't gotten his interview yet.
Today is the last day in my job and I start my new one with benefits in the County as a permanent Employee tommorow as a Bilingual Outreach worker. More money, benefilts but 52 mles away from my house... ;(
My Dad is doing ok, he also had bronchitis, hopefully not from me, and has taken his 5th chemo, and a new pet scan that says his tumor is shrinking whch hopefully is an indication that it is going away. Jeremy had his medical but hasn't gotten his interview yet.
Today is the last day in my job and I start my new one with benefits in the County as a permanent Employee tommorow as a Bilingual Outreach worker. More money, benefilts but 52 mles away from my house... ;(
Monday, January 14, 2008
Non-Coping with numbness
It seems most my life I have had a body image problem. As a teen, I was too thin, (but never thin enough) until I broke my foot and discovered food. Then became thin again, normal thin, not dancer thin, then, I discovered having children and a changing body form. As a former annorexic dancer, the fatness of pregnancy ate at my self esteem. Not able to move around and having to be on bed rest, destroyed any desire and any capacity to diet and exercise. It no longer mattered even if I ate correctly I gained weight and to top it off, became diabetic.
Having diabetes means having to keep your blood levels of sugar even so you don't have extreme overloads or underloads of sugar in your bloodstream. This requires almost scientific eating, measured and balanced food, and eating every 3 to 4 hours. You have to have enough caloric intake to not be ravenous, yet not overdo either. Its a lose/ lose or much better said, a gain/gain situation.
I do not gain anymore(fortuneately), my A-1C's are just right, by finger sticks (when I do them anymore) are perfect. I no longer get the jitters from dropping blood sugars because I know what and when to eat.
Cutting from this, however, leaves my blood levels dropping, and I can not maintaina normal healthy attitude. Dieting, or at least, cutting calories from my diet, only seems to aggrevate my problem.
Although I am proportionate, I am overweight. My stomach is horribly stretched from having 7 pregnancies and only 3 surving children. The constant trying to achieve thinness as a child and recovering between pregnancies only exacerbated the problem.
Now I am old, I have asthma, fibromyalgia which causes severe pains in my joints and connective tissues, bad knees and hips from overstretching tendons, and ruined cartiledge from ballet, old bone breaks in my feet and badly healed shin fractures, plantar faciatis,tailors bunions,ingrowns nails, severe anemia from other complications, and any garden variety of colds and upper respitory ailments with allergies. All of these things combined make exercise sheer torture for me.
Somedays when i am at work, my hands are aching or my wrists, or my knees and hips. I take advil, or whatever I can get to numb some of the pain but it never really goes away Some days are more tolerable than others. Somedays I rush and push myself and later regret it the next day. I realize exercise can be painful, but it wasn't that painful before. I can not recover as quickly day to day from an active day to a resting day. Most days, I haven't got the energy to even get out of bed, but I do it because if I don't I will starve.(There's a concept)
This is my dilemna, there is no magic pill to take it all away. I have no benefits that I can see a Dr constantly to take away my ailments one by one. Surgery seems a distant dream, but very risky and very expensive. And, because I have no insurance, no medical team will even consider it.
I saw a program this weekend that really made me sad. It talked about how children see their parents, and how one child was always embaressed because their mom was so overweight.
I see the mothers that come and pick up the other children at my kids school. Many are wealthy, fit, coiffed, manicured and dressed in the latest fashions. I often wonder what my kids perceptions of what a parent (ie mom) should look like. I know I can't compare.
Being autie, the least thing I want is someone looking or perceiving how I am. But, my children's opinions do matter. And even though I know in their minds they love me, that is not the same as how they see me against other people, or how other children perceive their mother and comment to them.
Sigh, at times I am a bag of flesh without the strenghth or ability to push forward with changes. Being autie, changes are always difficult. My diet, is rigid mostly, and adding to or cutting back, is often more costly emotionally and monetarily than I have the resources for. I don't have the resources for a full day physically most days, never mind mentally.
I have not found a diet yet that uses the things I eat in my diet. Its really sad that there isn't a diet that will make you want to use and continue with it. But making you eat strange and frankly nasty tasting and textured foods just because its lo cal/ lo fat/ lo carb is a form of torture all in its own to an autie.
Lately I am being told I am beautiful by my fiance, and I just don't believe him. I see myself, the marks, the folds, the lines, and I just can't bring myself to see what he sees. I can't concieve that anyone could find this body attractive, I detest it. I fel horribly disorganized, messy, and just unfit to even walk in public. I am terrififed to walk around my block, fearing the unknown and my personal safety.
I no longer care if I wear makeup when I am out nor am I out to impress anyone but myself. And yet, that is the ultimate in contridiction since, I do really care deep down about my"fatness". But seemingly I am helpless to do much about it so do I really? Sigh...
Having diabetes means having to keep your blood levels of sugar even so you don't have extreme overloads or underloads of sugar in your bloodstream. This requires almost scientific eating, measured and balanced food, and eating every 3 to 4 hours. You have to have enough caloric intake to not be ravenous, yet not overdo either. Its a lose/ lose or much better said, a gain/gain situation.
I do not gain anymore(fortuneately), my A-1C's are just right, by finger sticks (when I do them anymore) are perfect. I no longer get the jitters from dropping blood sugars because I know what and when to eat.
Cutting from this, however, leaves my blood levels dropping, and I can not maintaina normal healthy attitude. Dieting, or at least, cutting calories from my diet, only seems to aggrevate my problem.
Although I am proportionate, I am overweight. My stomach is horribly stretched from having 7 pregnancies and only 3 surving children. The constant trying to achieve thinness as a child and recovering between pregnancies only exacerbated the problem.
Now I am old, I have asthma, fibromyalgia which causes severe pains in my joints and connective tissues, bad knees and hips from overstretching tendons, and ruined cartiledge from ballet, old bone breaks in my feet and badly healed shin fractures, plantar faciatis,tailors bunions,ingrowns nails, severe anemia from other complications, and any garden variety of colds and upper respitory ailments with allergies. All of these things combined make exercise sheer torture for me.
Somedays when i am at work, my hands are aching or my wrists, or my knees and hips. I take advil, or whatever I can get to numb some of the pain but it never really goes away Some days are more tolerable than others. Somedays I rush and push myself and later regret it the next day. I realize exercise can be painful, but it wasn't that painful before. I can not recover as quickly day to day from an active day to a resting day. Most days, I haven't got the energy to even get out of bed, but I do it because if I don't I will starve.(There's a concept)
This is my dilemna, there is no magic pill to take it all away. I have no benefits that I can see a Dr constantly to take away my ailments one by one. Surgery seems a distant dream, but very risky and very expensive. And, because I have no insurance, no medical team will even consider it.
I saw a program this weekend that really made me sad. It talked about how children see their parents, and how one child was always embaressed because their mom was so overweight.
I see the mothers that come and pick up the other children at my kids school. Many are wealthy, fit, coiffed, manicured and dressed in the latest fashions. I often wonder what my kids perceptions of what a parent (ie mom) should look like. I know I can't compare.
Being autie, the least thing I want is someone looking or perceiving how I am. But, my children's opinions do matter. And even though I know in their minds they love me, that is not the same as how they see me against other people, or how other children perceive their mother and comment to them.
Sigh, at times I am a bag of flesh without the strenghth or ability to push forward with changes. Being autie, changes are always difficult. My diet, is rigid mostly, and adding to or cutting back, is often more costly emotionally and monetarily than I have the resources for. I don't have the resources for a full day physically most days, never mind mentally.
I have not found a diet yet that uses the things I eat in my diet. Its really sad that there isn't a diet that will make you want to use and continue with it. But making you eat strange and frankly nasty tasting and textured foods just because its lo cal/ lo fat/ lo carb is a form of torture all in its own to an autie.
Lately I am being told I am beautiful by my fiance, and I just don't believe him. I see myself, the marks, the folds, the lines, and I just can't bring myself to see what he sees. I can't concieve that anyone could find this body attractive, I detest it. I fel horribly disorganized, messy, and just unfit to even walk in public. I am terrififed to walk around my block, fearing the unknown and my personal safety.
I no longer care if I wear makeup when I am out nor am I out to impress anyone but myself. And yet, that is the ultimate in contridiction since, I do really care deep down about my"fatness". But seemingly I am helpless to do much about it so do I really? Sigh...
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