Push me Pull You

Push me Pull You,
originally uploaded by cicidia.

Sometimes I just feel like this, I feel pulled in all directions and I get so overloaded and overwhelmed that I just have meltdowns.
It feels like nothing I do is enough, nothing is right when i do things, I just get so frustrated. I am having pain in my hip, my doc says its bursitis(no bone changes on xray), but exercise and muscle relaxers and pain pills are not getting rid of it.
It hurts when I walk any distance. Sometimes, it just hurts getting out of bed. It makes me grumpy and tired because I just try and deal with it. My stomach has been sensative lately so I can't take goody's powders like I'd like as these seem to work but the aspirin and tylenol can't be taken with the Ultram either. I can't take the Ultram all the time either as I have to be able to function.

Confusion, and sadness

080808 091,
originally uploaded by cicidia.

Today I discovered that a friend of mine buckled to a troll. Understanding that the friend was under severe emotional trauma and was suicidal, it just doesn't seem right. What right do strangers (or even people we know) have to harass someone to the point that they take off their Flickr photos and their personal blog? It seems too much for me to understand knowing that the blog and the photos are the way this person unwinds, or deals with overload that he could not do in a normal way. What right does this troll have to take that away from someone? What satisfaction could this person possibly get? Is it to revenge a lost love? Is it to get back at some perceived hurt? What possible motive does this person have? And now that they've succeded, what now? He's off the public sites now, its done that, and possilbly cut him off from the only support he had from internet friends. He didn't succeed before, is that why you are mad? You want him to die? How selfish is that? What right do you have to take away someone's existance? Why do you care so much about who he rants about? I was harassed and threatened by a troll once, and I found out where he lived(went there, took pictures and gave to a police officer) . Maybe that's what my friend needed to do with you. But then, he already knows where you live doesn't he?

Let the rain come down...

Things just get heavy sometimes. Life seems to put its weight on my shoulder. I already this week have gone to the Dr once again for a hurt back and am on so much medication I get stupid high from when I go to sleep that Jeremy has to send me to bed before I really get embaressed. That in itself embaresses me since I don't remember what I was saying.
I wish I could just make myself be someone else sometimes, I wish I was pretty and thin and popular and rich. Oh and healthy, shouldn't forget that... But I have the perfect husband, my perfect children and my perfect pets. It's just me today...