There just nothing like not being with the one you love during the holidays. This year has been especially hard on me with Jeremy now already approved, my father diagnosed with Stage 2 Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and my children spending Christmas eve with their father.
To top it all off, my bank lost a check I deposited and still insists they don’t have it… how strange. Even though I deposited it in their ATM in their lobby, and the receipt which itemizes each check was there, the main check wasn’t. (according to them anyway… bizarre!) Just to say 6 overdrafts left me nearly wiped clean for paying anything, food, presents, bills etc. Did little to lift my holiday cheer.
I have been very low in iron counts lately and do not have energy to clean or cook or anything. The day before Christmas weekend started, I had such a migraine headache I could see to drive much less work, so I ended up driving to work and telling my supervisor I was leaving. I couldn’t really afford to do so, but I couldn’t work like that.
This check is going to be horrible with four days out of it…
I went home thinking about the whole check thing, my kids not there, my da sick, Jeremy’s visa status still in the air and just melted down in great shaking sobs. I haven’t sobbed like that in years but I just couldn’t help it, my head hurt that badly and it was all I could do to get home.
I went back home that day, treated my self for the asthma that has been choking me all week, and took a PM sinus pill to sleep, I ended up taking 3 back to back and sleeping nearly a whole day before the migraine finally let loose its grip on my poor brain. I could not bear the lights or sounds, and I really didn’t feel like even getting up to go for the bathroom, but you gotta go when you gotta go.
When the kids did come home on Christmas Day, they arrived at 5:00am and were exhausted and did not even have the energy to see their presents. Because I was feeling so crappy, I just went back to sleep too. My oldest didn’t come over until around 1pm so we were very late getting to my mothers, and to top it all off, I told them to put the gifts in the car, which they did, but the ones they already had and not the ones to give. So Christmas went without my family having my meager gift offerings. Another upset for me.
The kids went back with their father on Christmas night, and I had to go to work the next day. But my da was having his second chemo treatment and since he wasn’t handling them as well as he should be, I felt I needed to go up and stay with them. He is starting to lose his hair and his tummy. He had lost 30lbs when this was first diagnosed and at least he is starting to put on some weight again.
I went back up and offered the gifts. My mother opened one that had two ornaments in it, and little drew drew (2yrs) took one as quickly as she unwrapped it and dashed it to bits on the tile floor (Not that my kids haven’t done similar things mind you). She didn’t even get it into her hand long enough to see it… sigh
So the past two days I have been alone, and my nerves are paying for it.
