Life of late has been a rollercoaster of emotions that has my poor aching head spinning around.
The last three weeks I have been dealing with my father's diagnosis of cancer. (See previous post) The diagnosis process with him has been a rollercoaster on its own. At first they decided he had Pancreatic Cancer, one of the most deadly forms of cancer you can get with only a 10% survival rate. Fortunately with the biopsy came good news.(If there can be any good news about having Cancer) and he was rediagnosed with Non-Hogkins Lymphoma which has a better survival rate of 30 to 60 % at least giving him a fighting chance.
Along with all this, I called Immigration to see if Jeremy's application could be expedited as we can't know how my father will do with this. I found out two days ago that the Expedite has been approved and we should be getting Visa information within 1 week to 14 days. So at last Jeremy will be coming home.
But, the wedding plans are being changed now, as with my father's illness we will not have as a big to do as we originally thought. Probably just him and me and the judge to "hitch' us up. All that really doesn't matter though. All I want is for Jeremy to be here with me. We can celebrate later at a more appropriate time.
So I am happy that Jeremy is coming home, but at the same time I feel I am taking advantage of my da's illness just to get what I want and need. In some ways it's not fair for my da to have to go through all this and not get his wishes too..
Sigh
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Life in the numb zone
Things have been rather difficult lately with all that has been going on in my life. Let me take you up to speed. First thing, I have been on upped meds for a month now, 2 40mg Citalopram, 3 Buropion 100mg, 1 400 mg Vitamin D,1 Bactrim Ds -16,1 B-12 sublingual 2500mcg, 1 Selenium 200mcg, 2 multiret folic 500, 1 hydrochlorot hcl, at night I am now taking instead of the quarter of amitryptylene… 1 ½ tab of trazadone which has been wonderful in helping me sleep without the hung over feeling I get from the amitryptylene.
Now for the stressful i.e.: potentially major depressing part. My father is 70. First two months ago my da had his second nose flap surgery due to some pre-cancerous cells on his nose. I teased him about just wanting a face lift About a month later my father went to have a cardio stress test and got out of breath so they stopped it. . So they ran some tests and found he was anemic so they prescribed iron pill, very strong ones to get his blood count back up. Two weeks later he was deer hunting with my brother in South Georgia and had a huge stomach ache. Evidently he had been eating for a few days and not getting rid of anything. But my da, stoic and stubborn (we’re Irish, it’s genetic) thought he could deal with it, but finally succumbed to pain. Fortunately my brother was there and saw how bloated he was and rushed him to the ER. Unfortunately for my Da he had an impacted bowel, presumably from the iron pills. 3 Enemas, milk of magnesium and an adult diaper later they sent him home. Needless to say it was a messy experience.
The Dr’s said for him to take fiber capsules and a mild laxative. They also wanted to run more tests to see exactly why he was anemic. When they examined the x-ray from the impacted bowel, the Dr back home noticed a shadow around my dad’s stomach area. He also noted signs of kidney and gallstone. Da has always had kidney stone problems and he is diabetic. He ordered a pet scan. It showed a mass around the area of my dads stomach but wasn’t very clear. So the Dr ordered a CT scan, with dye. Da was allergic to the iodine in the dye and so they had to put him on some steroids and have him in the hospital so they could treat him in case of anaphylaxis. Two days later they did the CT scan and while they were waiting for the results they did and endoscopy of the stomach and upper GI. He said the endoscopy looked good, no ulcer or evidence of a mass in the stomach or upper GI. But… then the CT scan came back…It showed a mass on dad’s stomach, and nodules on his pancreas, the spleen and the lungs. They suspected then it might be Pancreatic Cancer, one of the worst types of cancer that you could get with only a 10% survival rate.
Da has always had trouble with cysts. And because my da was running a fever, having night sweats and chills, there was a possibility of Lymphoma. So the Dr ordered a biopsy, but when he was sent up to get it done there was some major trauma patients that took precedence so he had to wait. But the next day he was taken in the afternoon, and though they had some trouble getting a biopsy from the mass due to the blood supply there, they got the piece they needed. They released my da Friday afternoon and told him that the biopsy would be ready today Wednesday 11/21/2007 we were awaiting the results.
Update: The Dr has determined that Da has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Stage two type B, and it possibly can be cured!!!!!! They will have to biopsy the nodules but everything is a little lighter feel now. My Da just cried when he told him that because now he has a chance to fight
Now for the stressful i.e.: potentially major depressing part. My father is 70. First two months ago my da had his second nose flap surgery due to some pre-cancerous cells on his nose. I teased him about just wanting a face lift About a month later my father went to have a cardio stress test and got out of breath so they stopped it. . So they ran some tests and found he was anemic so they prescribed iron pill, very strong ones to get his blood count back up. Two weeks later he was deer hunting with my brother in South Georgia and had a huge stomach ache. Evidently he had been eating for a few days and not getting rid of anything. But my da, stoic and stubborn (we’re Irish, it’s genetic) thought he could deal with it, but finally succumbed to pain. Fortunately my brother was there and saw how bloated he was and rushed him to the ER. Unfortunately for my Da he had an impacted bowel, presumably from the iron pills. 3 Enemas, milk of magnesium and an adult diaper later they sent him home. Needless to say it was a messy experience.
The Dr’s said for him to take fiber capsules and a mild laxative. They also wanted to run more tests to see exactly why he was anemic. When they examined the x-ray from the impacted bowel, the Dr back home noticed a shadow around my dad’s stomach area. He also noted signs of kidney and gallstone. Da has always had kidney stone problems and he is diabetic. He ordered a pet scan. It showed a mass around the area of my dads stomach but wasn’t very clear. So the Dr ordered a CT scan, with dye. Da was allergic to the iodine in the dye and so they had to put him on some steroids and have him in the hospital so they could treat him in case of anaphylaxis. Two days later they did the CT scan and while they were waiting for the results they did and endoscopy of the stomach and upper GI. He said the endoscopy looked good, no ulcer or evidence of a mass in the stomach or upper GI. But… then the CT scan came back…It showed a mass on dad’s stomach, and nodules on his pancreas, the spleen and the lungs. They suspected then it might be Pancreatic Cancer, one of the worst types of cancer that you could get with only a 10% survival rate.
Da has always had trouble with cysts. And because my da was running a fever, having night sweats and chills, there was a possibility of Lymphoma. So the Dr ordered a biopsy, but when he was sent up to get it done there was some major trauma patients that took precedence so he had to wait. But the next day he was taken in the afternoon, and though they had some trouble getting a biopsy from the mass due to the blood supply there, they got the piece they needed. They released my da Friday afternoon and told him that the biopsy would be ready today Wednesday 11/21/2007 we were awaiting the results.
Update: The Dr has determined that Da has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Stage two type B, and it possibly can be cured!!!!!! They will have to biopsy the nodules but everything is a little lighter feel now. My Da just cried when he told him that because now he has a chance to fight
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Caged and Numbed
I have surrounded myself in a coverlet and knee deep in a messy house. I have no desire to leave. I don't feel as depressed as I have done but in the same sense, I have no drive to improve things or make them better. I have foggy ideals of details I would like to have around my house. But the actual innitiative is more than I can muster. My health isn't what I need it to be, the energy not there,my time limited to deal with my children and sleep and function on a semi-basic level. Its all I can do to convince myself to eat properly, when all I want to do is close my eyes and sleep. It feels like sleep should be the solution to my problems, when it really isn't. And I yawn all day. I take naps, I rest, I'm taking vitamins, and yet energy is just not there. I don't know what the solution is but I'm doing all I can with the Dr's to try and find a solution. Unfortunately that means more time off that I don't have to take. And still no news on the position I interviewed for 2 weeks ago.
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