Downward Spiral? Upturned Noses, and a Resignation...

Today I feel down, after spending 2 hours in car in stand still traffic, I arrived at my job an hour late and almost melted down. I just felt so anxious and upset with everything I couldn't stand myself. Then at lunch, 5 people came in at once so I didn't get to eat on time making my anxiety worse.
I've been feeling very misunderstood, misinterpreted and generally p'oed at the world lately. I bark at my children, I ignore my doting hubbie, and snark at him unintentionally but none the less. I want so badly to be understood, and that someone see my point, and at least Jeremy does, so screw the outside world that doesn't 'cause nothing matters to me more than him and my kids.
As an Aspie I have always felt outside the clique, looking through a bubble to the inside. For the most part, it hasn't been just a feeling, but a reality. Even online there are cliques, and god forbid you have a different oppinion. Shame really, but their problem not mine. I have enough to shoulder without adding someone's elitism attitude (I spent nearly a thousand for this so no you can't show your cheap fake or off market brand) Silly really when you think of the hours of work that go into them ) I may spend just as many hours working on mine as theirs and sometimes they come out better!. Oh btw I am talking about Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. I have caught the fever for them. I find it very frustrating that there are companies charging 1000 or more for dolls or even that they offer cheaper affordable one, and yet I still can't get one I want because it is sold out or no longer availible. I am getting an Angel of Dream Mo Lan though and I will post the pics when I am done with her but I still owe two more payments.

As an artist, I find the creation of the face-ups, the remodeling of the doll mold facinating. I want to make resin dolls and I will one day despite this forum clique that I no longer wish to be associated with. And when I get my new camera, I will post some pics here of some of the work I have already done and in flickr if anyone is interested.

I won't sell my work, for now, but maybe one day.

I guess another reason I am upset today is because I called my daughter the oldest one, because she was supposed to have spent the weekend with me, and instead I heard nothing from her. She says I should remind her by phone. What?! I have to remind her to come visit mom?!

Another thing is that it's C's birthday. The children want to take little cards they are going to make to his graveslab at the mosuleum. I feel rather heavy about this, I don't want to go but feel obligated.I keep aking him in my mind to please let me be now that he is gone, but I still am getting his bills, his calls from collection agencies etc. Even though he's gone, he still interferes with my life with Jeremy and I know it has to make him uncomfortable as well.