Why is that I think I'm getting my points across when suddenly I'm told. well if you had told me that earlier we could have saved time or some other circumstances. Its frustrating to me that I communicate well written ( albeit dyslexic) but spoken I leave out words or context often vital to the other person to understand. Yet I believe totally that I'm being understood or being perfectly clear.
It hurts when I'm made to feel the ditz, when I know perfectly well (in my head) what I'm trying to say. I get frustrated easily when I can't make myself heard. Its worse when I'm told, "Oh, I know what you're going to say, so don't say it." Those words go straight to my stomach and form a bilious ball.
Even if you think you know what I'm going to say, let me have my opportunity to speak my peace. It takes me sometimes hours or days to work up somethings I want to say and a lot of energy and for them to remain unspoken is a great disservice. Sometimes what you think I'll say isn't exactly it anyway. If you haven't enough time to hear me, then why talk at all...
4 comments:
i have a portion of this same problem. the part i have is where it feels to me like i am being perfectly clear when everyone else seems to be baffled or needed to know first the thing i say last.
also, in writing, i think i am far more clear. but way too verbose.
the part of the problem that i don't have, at least, not the same way, which i think i understand from seeing it in others, is that part where it takes so much energy to construct what it is that you wanted to say only to have it nullified by the impatience and expectations of others.
i'm guilty of doing the nullifying part, sometimes. my mother has this problem. she is very capable in text, but it can take painful amounts of energy and time to vocalize something.
i only experience it when i am feeling unmotivated and suicidal. my father asks, how about we go get some food out at... and all i want is to be left alone by the people who love me most and can do the least to help me. i don't respond. i mutter. i make noises. i wait for some magical action that will nullify the need to respond. i feel this mostly when frustrated or depressed. i hate it because i know what it does to others.
and then i go and act the impatient one to people like my mom.
on behalf of those who don't understand, i say "i'm very sorry. Most people just do not understand how it feels and what is going on. They don't know what they're doing and they probably don't mean you the harm they cause."
Thanks for commenting. I hope your day went well. Its hard for a NT to really understand what they do to us, simply by not understanding. At times, when I am most upset, I become almost mute, I can't really fight for myself. I have the words in my head, but the effort to expel them becomes tremendous. Getting them out in a cohesive statement seems to be more a recent problem...context missing,point not made.
it is a more recent problem for me as well. i blame it on exhaustion. more the "lifetime exhaustion" than normal kinds.
my mother's form of this problem has also notably increased over the years.
i used to multitask better than most computer operating systems. now i can't. now i go mute.
my last trip to the ER was the worst i've ever been in my head. as well as having visual interference patterns i was unable to and unwilling to communicate with language when my father came to wake me in the morning for this doctor's "sleep stage advancement" crap (supposed to fix my inverted sleep cycle). seroquel, the sleep deprivation, and, i believe, electromagnetic interference, all combined, turned me into a sweating, twitching, near mute with an exploding mind that felt the size of a planet. i had shades of the physiological experiences i had as a child when i had night terrors (something i'd not had in over six years). it wasn't until late in the day that i started using connective words and some complete sentences.
wouldn't it be nice if someone bothered to study us?
they should pay to have the privilege. (part joke, part serious)
I had some issues today at work myself, and honestly it scared me, because I didn't melt down when all this happened and maybe it was some sort of repressed or delayed reaction...very disturbing as I usually don't have these sort of issues.
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