Particularly when you least expect it. At times, you want and need company of friends, and you think it might be comforting to them as well only to find they prefer others to speak their mind or other outlets rather than listening to you. And who can really blame them? When you are depressed yourself, it is difficult to give comfort and or receive it. No one already depressed needs to hear how down you are. If it’s difficult to animate yourself, how can you possibly animate someone else to go on and be content with their life? You can’t and to do so would be lying on your own part.
Lately my kitties have been my only company. Mushu and Soli do their part, and yet the third, Kimiko a sullen abused Persian loathes me through every fiber of her being. But, I will win her somehow. My children have spent the last week and a half with their father. Not having J here, I am alone. I sleep brokenly and much more than I should. I am tired all the time, but complete 8 hours sleep escapes me and I sleep for 2-3 hours and wake.
My life it seems has enough energy for two or three days out of a month to do extra things. Then, there is little animation or motivation to continue. I’ve not had much energy to do many things I need and or want to do. I’ve been dreaming of having a fairy garden for years. I know it sounds kind of silly for an older woman to be dreaming of fairy fantasies. But I remember once as a child going to a garden that had all kinds of fantasy child like animals and figurines and small toys and I was captivated. As an autistic child these things remained in my head like a fantasy and to this day I can’t take them out. So, with the help of Freecycle, I have gotten some concrete border stones and a birdbath, some herb seeds, and some herb plants. I haven’t gotten any magic stones, fairies gnomes or any other magical creatures, but I imagine that I will pick these up gradually in different places, one by one. Hopefully they will all have their own stories to tell behind their selection and it’s something I think my children will enjoy helping me do and won’t destroy because they will want it to stay as magical as it is intended. I can expand on this with time perhaps with a water feature, or a pond or both! (lol) a gazing ball, a park bench, larger stones, moss, ferns etc. I want to make the garden seem very woodsey, very quaint, and with an element of surprise, the hidden elf peeking under a giant leaf, a mushroom that seems real but won’t die in the winter, a butterfly, crystals, geodes, things you find in hidden caches without destroying the (un)natural beauty of the garden, a stump that holds something in its hollow end, a fairy ring, perhaps with fairy size twig furniture ( Maybe something the kids can do!)
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