I adopted a couple of cats from a rescue shelter last weekend. One is appreciative the other hateful and grouchy. One sweet and loving and the other such a pill, it makes it hard to be around. The grouchy one, Kimiko was abused, and she has bitten and scratched me without remorse in her mistaken defense of me, (who least she needs to defend herself.) Poor underfed, declawed matted Kimiko, who hates the world but nonethe less I am determined to win her trust somehow. Meanwhile I feed her and pet her when she allows and wear gloves and long sleeves when she doesn't.
Abuse makes people act in funny ways too. It can make them avoident, or clingy, needy, selfish,unstable,or smothering. I used to be needy and smothering, clingy and very unselfish. Till J came along and taught me that I didn't have to be afraid anymore. I was so afraid of abandonment before, I would hold so tightly (figuratively) that my partner would be smothered, without room to be his self.
I am now finding I can find myself and not be afraid that I will say or do the wrong thing, that my loves best intentions will be dashed out the door, or that I will wake to silence another day. There is health and security in trust and I thank God that I have found it
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