All this and The New Year too...

I have been really struggling to deal with life lately.  I have this sociopathic person working in the reception position I normally occupy meanst I am working in a position short of people with data entry/intake.   I like both positions, don't get me wrong, but the receptionist is more my speed.

 

This woman has taken my position (albeit temporarily) and is doing only half if any of the work, forwarding the rest to me.  I have complained to my supervisor and my director as this person is slowly hanging herself.  It just is a matter of time.  But today she said something a little more menacing and although I told my superiors, I was told to ignore it. If she hadn't threatened to beat up another woman, and got a weeks suspension, I might could do that.

 

I am worn out.  I am grumpy.  I can't concentrate on intake with the phone ringing every 3 seconds because her phone is forwarded to mine.  Needless to say I didn't have enough concentration before. I have been at my job 11 years and am still hourly part time.   Sigh I need benefits,vacation, sicktime, insurance to survive .
 

Mental Mechanations

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of processing problems. Its that when I transcribe any sort of data i need accuracy and its driving me flippin bonkers! It seems I can actually copy much of anything from the computer to paper but the other way around is not easier. I don't understand the difference between taking from paper and putting in the computer and/or taking from the computer and putting on paper but the latter always seems to be wrong... sigh. Head desk head desk repeat.....

I Thank God You Don't Speak For Me!

Photo of Ashley copied from her parents blog. http://ashleytreatment.spaces.live.com/blog
As a partially disabled adult I have been reading the news on "The Ashley Treatment". And although I sympathize with the family that their daughter was born disabled, I can not condone or accept what they have had done to her. As an adult with disabilities all I can say is this:" Having a disability is not supposed to be easy, or nice to look at. Having a disability is hard. We are not here for your entertainment. We are not here to be cute and child-like at the ripe old age of 15 or whatever real age this child has.She is not a pet to spay and neuter because you don't want to be bothered. You mentioned taking off her breasts for her comfort and removing her uterus "because she will never use it". I think the "never use it" part is what bothers me most. How about we cut off her arms and legs? They just dangle, they will"never be used" for any purpose in a normal life?! How about removing her head/brain, she will "never use it"!! Heck make her a torso so she truly will be "pillow" shaped. That should be an easier form to care for! We are not here at your convenience, but... we are at your mercy when you speak for us. I'm glad my parents did not make decisions like these that would alter my life forever as to how I would be perceived and taken care of. I was much worse as a child and I have come a long long way. I may not be perfect but I was not subjected into being something I am not. Medical advances are growing each day and with those advances may come a chance that could have been had by this "woman-child". She will never get bigger, but her face and body will still age, perhaps at a more rapid age with the high estrogen treatment she was given. Worse still, if she does fall into a care giving situation due to death of parents etc., she is a pedophiles dream. Truly sickening. "My hands, they're small I know but they're not yours, they are my own"...Jewel,

Sometimes I'm Quiet

Sometimes seeing other people's problems confuses me. I stand silent or stammering because I just don't have any clue as to what to say. I feel badly and wish I could offer help or do something (lack of executive function) constructive to say or do. I stand frozen in my place. I stare, feeling really stupid and confused. I guess if you saw me do this, I could be considered cold or apathetic, but its not what is in my mind or heart. Simply I lack enough knowledge/function at that moment to act. I can not act on impulse. It just doesn't work for me.

overloaded

Today was an overload just waiting to start. At work today, the day our clinic is usually slow, we did about three times the normal people and never stopped. I have to work tomorrow and was generally grumpy and tired. I could feel the overload creeping up around my face. I could talk and move but I felt as though I was just staring into space with a blank look. Many things attributed to this feeling of overwhelmedness but I won't go into all the sordid details. Just know things were enough to make an NT crazed by the end of the day. Its a wonder I'm still alive....

Resolutions? You've got to be kidding me!

My only resolutions are to survive and take good care of my kids. If I get happiness on the way... its gravy or icing. Both can be good if made right. There-in is the problem, can I really do this?!

New Years, Bah Same old stuff repeat....

This New Year has started off with a bang. Being alone means when you are sick, there's no one there to comfort you. Being alone means when you really need medicine, there's no one else to go and drive to get it. Being alone means, if you are hungry despite being ill you must drag yourself to the stove and cook anyway. But I suppose this is the way it has to be for now.