Sometimes Bad things happen to Bad People!

Things in the office will go much smoother now!

Valentines Day or numbed again.....

Seems like I spent most of my day in overload again. My fellow hourly employee and I worked alone. We are still 5 positions short at work and the other person that works with us was out, and the psycho-socio stayed in her cubbie in the back all day so at least there was no further problem. I am so bone draggedly tired, I feel run down. I have no life other than work, cook, fetch the kids eat and fall asleep. My life has become an overworked underpaid nightmare that never seems to end. The only reward I could have is that we don't have clinic this weekend and I plan to take full advantage to sleep as much as possible. My children have been so testy lately and I hate that they are subjected to my overload and under energy. Anemia is not my friend.

Me Too?

Numbed and Emotionless,

childlike,

Yet too old.

too alone,

too scared.

Too tired to stay awake,

but too scared to sleep.

Too battered to move,

Too nervous to sit still.

One part of the mind racing at light speed,

the other desperately trying to close my eyes.

One not wanting to see the thoughts racing through my head,

The other too busy to ignore them.

One urging to write it all down before it goes away,

the other, sit still, relax, forget, rest....

Wanting the pressure of touch,

yet shunning all other sensations of feeling.

Wanting soft and silky touch of clothing,

and moving my toes in itchy shoes.

My eyes still sticky with sleep,

and my mind racing on the fuel of caffiene.

I want to go,

but have to stay put.

Overloaded Again: Daily dose of Bummed

Head just isn't working as well as I'd like lately... Work is still short about 5 people. But no one seems to be hurrying to make a decision whether I'll finally have a permanent position after all these years. I'm just worn completely out. The Dr. prescribed an rx for fero-folate a really strong iron supplement. Problem is no one has it, and it has been recalled. Worse still, it cost $59.00 and is not available under patient assistance. So back to the 3 325 mg iron tablets a day which tend to either stop my digestion system completely or send me running down the hall...
And they seem to have stopped working as well...
I just want to curl into a ball and feel sorry for myself for a while, but I'm not being allowed. Too many responsibilities pulling at me at the moment.

From the mouths of babes...

When one mentions autism to me I am all ears but when I observe it... Last night in the Walmart grocery my son picked up a rather large grapefruit that was the size of the mini basket balls, and asked me what it was. A worker behind me strolled up and started quoting all the facts about this strange Japanese fruit. How it was 2x more sour than a normal grapefruit, how it was developed in Japan, how it could cause stomach ulcers if you ate too many etc... As he strolled off, I recognized the gait of a fellow autie,(as if the fact quotations weren't enough) I chuckled to myself and my family and got out without too much sensory overload.

Another funny point that happened yesterday. My son has been (im)patiently waiting for a certain favorite treat of his to be opened at home, and he keeps asking when its going to be opened so that he can indulge in his portion. He keeps asking "when ?when?" "Later", We replied and he says back "But, (whining) ... It's already past later!" Can't argue with logic.

More meds, more hassles

Stress has caused me to have a new issue... another med, another 4 bucks in Walmart's unending pockets. I am now taking Hydrocot 25mg for my blood pressure of all things. Of course this was after three days of going round and round with Bell South over why my DSL wasn't connected when they told me it would be. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If its not the truth, I don't want to hear it. Take a hint from Nike, Bellsouth aka AT&T, Just DO It!!!!

Also my blood anemia count went down again, so now we are scrambling for iron meds that are special order (possibly $$$$). Walmart is backordering it.... geez wonder what this will do to my stomach....

Money has been tight again, but I guess this is a common theme with most people and not necessarily an autie thing. I just can't handle figures and budgets. Bills stress me beyond belief. I'd much rather just leave them unopened until I have to pay or else.... Sigh Not very effective in staving off the bill collecters aka leaches.....

Jelly Side Down

Sometimes things that seem sweet and nice end up just making messes in your life. Sometimes, you tolerate all you can, and yet despite bending until you break, there are just some people in this world who have it "out for you". Even if you have done nothing memoribly wrong. Incredible how some people will fib and lie to try and cover their own faults and sins. Hopefully my relationship with the powers that be is better than that.
--
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"/ Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
- Charles M. Schulz