Today i had some things that kinda scared me psychologically. Since I didn't have a meltdown with the confrontation with my parents, I guess it could have been a delayed reaction. I was upset most of the morning. I believe my car maybe on its last legs. I will be in severe problems if it dies. I saw an image of myself in white and doused in blood.very Carrie-ish like. That shook me up as I generally don't see things like that. I also was shaking, probably due to the stress, but not blood sugar. My throat felt raw as if I had been screaming silently. It makes me wonder when I could just snap out of reality. I don't need that to happen anytime soon...
1 comment:
i've been wondering if i'm losing my grip on reality too. but it doesn't help when you compose very emotional messages to a person you have a mutual attraction with, send it, it never gets there, the mail program shows you replied to the message you sent it in reply to but you can find NO trace of it whatsoever in the drafts or sent boxes.... technology helps me go insane. like i need that extra push. same goes for cars and the rest.
i had a meltdown last night/this morning as the result of spending about 5 hours watching movies with a girl who has at times teased me but is with a boyfriend she doesn't get satisfaction from but wont leave. i was good. i was nice. when i got home, i just started crying like an idiot. i messaged her a little while thanking her for the time well spent, but i just couldn't help putting in my misery at being home alone, too. i hate myself like this.
what causes it?
this thing, or that thing?
i think it's from losing any and all tolerance to a whole life of crap.
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