Aches and Growing Pains

I think sometimes the only comfort I have in life is through the Internet. Granted, I have my children, but having adult conversations, and adult interaction is sorely lacking in my home. The Internet at least through its limited capabilities helps me overcome the social difficulties I have, and give me an outlet to speak my mind unedited, and open my life to other worlds I might not ever know in person.

Passing Christmas alone, was sad and difficult for me. It always was a family affair, huge family gathering on Christmas Eve with my Ex and family with 21 little children under 18. I felt myself trying to rush myself on Christmas Eve, perhaps in memories of the pressures of before, and I stopped myself and realized, I don't have to hurry anymore. There is no reason to put pressure on myself anymore for those reasons.

The realization that I am not here to impress anyone and I don't have to put on a smile or dress up or even put on shoes if I don't want to, became a reoccurring theme as I went through Christmas Eve. The night luckily passed swiftly. It came a pouring rain, like the tears I had felt fall earlier. I knew I would have all three of my children back the next day and I took comfort in that fact.

I started my new medicine Sunday night. Amitriptylin(e) 25mg. I took it about 10:30pm and fell asleep within the hour. I had to have three wake-up calls to get out of bed. It was the first full night of rest I have gotten in years.

There was a strange unexpected side effect of the meds though. When I woke up I realized something was different. My legs felt weird. I couldn't figure it out right away, but it later dawned upon me what was different. My legs did not hurt. Because I am usually in pain in my legs I had gotten to the point of ignoring it. When it wasn't there, I knew something was changed. Sad really that pain relief had to come as a side effect. And I wondered seriously why it hadn't been thought of before...