Last night I was determined to lift my spirits. I had to go to the bank and transfer funds to pay bills and do a little shopping. After the day I had, it was all I could do to get out of the house. But I needed some fresh air and a change of attitude. Even though I had melted down three times and was exhausted, I have to live. I am a mother, and my children need me. More than ever I feel that. Fighting against these overwhelming feelings of confusion, exhaustion, sadness and desperation often just take all my energy. Despite that I am determined to make myself better. Maybe not NT ever, but at least to dig myself out of the hole I seems to have sunk down to the bottom of. Asperger's is always going to be part of my life.
When I got to the store, a song came on the radio, Avril Lavigne's new song, "Keep Holding On" was on the radio. It just seem to fit. Maybe it was getting out of the house, maybe the fresh air, maybe those comforting words, (maybe the pressure of the car problems that were lifted) that just made me relax. I didn't overload in Walmart. (miracle)
I slept somewhat more relieved. Still waking after 2 - 3 hours, and wondering what has happened to my life and why I have gone to this point.(Dr's appt tommorow to discuss meds) But I have a goal now and intend to make the best of it.
2 comments:
i'd say you had a successful day. walmart sucks. i hate it. for a multiplicity of reasons.
i think your list of possible reasons for feeling better are all combined together to be the cause. getting out, getting fresh air, hearing sounds and identifying with someone's words... it all goes well together...
still... i'd say avoid walmart anyway ;-)
Walmart usually melts me down but its the closest 24 hour market around.
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