Medications I have known...

Since I was in my 20's and on my own I have tried various things to try and make me a normal person.

I have tried Prozac in its early days. I took it for a few years. Did absolutely nothing for me. I didn't know that Prozac really doesn't work with autism because at the time I wasn't diagnosed. All I knew was that I couldn't cope with my home life. Supposedly it was post-partum depression but again, since I didn't know I was autistic,the sources and causes of my reactions weren't really clear. I thought overload and meltdowns were just crying jags of depression.

After a couple of years of not getting much relief, I was put on Zoloft, which seemed to help a little. Took it for 8 months, and then moved away from my dr's office and couldn't afford the medicine and went off the Zoloft by myself. It really did not do enough for me, or at least I didn't think so.

After my middle child was born, I was put on Paxil for post-partumn depression again. Even though I had it, before, during and after pregnancy... go figure. Paxil was a nightmare of half-life shocks and dizziness and nausea and diarrhea. I took it for a year, then the dr wanted to increase it, I had a severe panic attack and tachycardia. Needeless to say, I wanted off this stuff!

I was med free with the exception of diabetes meds for about three years, still suffering the same affects but never knowing why I was as I was. I knew I was different. I knew I was severely depressed and anxious, and I knew I wasn't coping with life. I knew I was in a bad marriage, but I didn't think I could survive alone with two small children.

After my son was born, I needed help, my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 years old! He almost didn't potty train until he was 4 1/2. I was depressed, desperate, sad, lonely, anxious, and just generally fed up with life. I thought about dying and how or if my family would tell anyone if I was gone. I decided that my kids needed/deserved more than dying would release me of. And I knew that I couldn't just leave the kids with my ex.

When my son was diagnosed at 4 years old as being autistic, with Asperger's Syndrome, I was told by his dr, that I too exhibited symptoms. My gp confirmed that I probably was autistic as well, and it sometimes runs in families. I started reading anything and everything I could find on Asperger's. I started Wellbutrim and took it for 18 months. No improvement.

I discovered that depression was very common co-morbid condition with Asperger's. Unfortunately I also discovered anti-depression meds do not always help with the stressors and depressions common with Asperger's.

I went for a couple of years again without meds and built up a tougher skin for a while, and then the bottom fell out.

I couldn't take anymore, I had to get out of the bad marriage and I felt so awful and so low and with no self esteem, I couldn't take anymore. I was so miserable I would lay on the sofa for days at a time, getting up to occasionally eat, and to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I didn't bother to eat. I destroyed my metabolism, gained about 50 pounds, and lost anything of a similance of self esteem. I needed help, the only help I could get was more meds.

My dr says ok we are going to try this one then and she put me on EffexorXL.

Life with Effexor didn't make much difference. Six months went by, and nothing changed. I was sleeping the whole day, eating only once a day and not properly. Not good for a diabetic. I was waking up all hours of the night. After six months, I told my dr that it really wasn't helping. She suddenly upped my dosage to double. suddenly I was in hell. Severe PMS the whole time I was on it. 2 weeks later,I begged her to take me off or do something else. I got a new dr.

I went to the new dr. He decided that I needed to try either Celexa or Lexapro, Celexa was the choice. Celexa became Citalopram under the generic name. Since I didn't have insurance, he found a program through Walmart to buy it for $4.00 After sleeping a whole weekend with only 7 hours of awake time in three days, I finally started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Finally I was starting to feel happy. I hadn't felt happy in years. So anyway now I am on a double dose of Citalopram. And although I still have meltdowns, my moods have improved greatly.

Today I went back and told him I still wasn't sleeping and he prescribed me amitryptyline to help my concentration and sleeping. Will start that on Friday, so we'll see how it goes. Exhausted but getting happier.