I wandered the streets tonight, alone in my van. Silently overloaded from picking up meds at Walmart, silently alone. My children called me from their da's, and it made me sob. I hate being alone, yet its all I can stand to be with someone. Too much, or not enough is very overloading in itself.
Tomorrow is the prefunctuary Christmas luncheon with the parents, tension made for the asking. I tried to stay busy today, tried not to remember things,tried to keep my mind occupied, and my hands busy. I need to learn to shut off the recorder in my head. Need to stop obsessing on past events that I can't change. Need to accept my fate, that has left me alone at Christmas.
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