I am the one who had to sit in the first desk, the first row, right in front of the teacher. remember me? I am the one who always knew the answers but never raised my hand. Remember me? the one teacher would always call on to make me squirm, or embarrass me at the chalkboard. Remember me?The strange quiet girl, always swinging her legs or shaking her feet? I'm the one you would walk by and shove, copy my answers from the test,threaten to beat me up because I wouldn't sit in another area? Remember me, the one who was socially awkward, shy, to scared to talk in public? remember me? I'm the one you shoved in the mud with white jeans on. The one you pushed and made me scrape both my knees. The one in PE that you took pictures of while dressing just to embarrass me? Remember me? I was the one that you took my desserts or my favorite foods, because you were bigger and stronger? Remember me? The one who learned sign language just to not have to speak anymore to anyone? Remember me? The girl who never got invited to parties or sleep overs? The girl who carried too many books? The girl in hand me down clothes and not designer jeans? Remember me? The one you bribed to do your homework for you but never paid?
Remember me? The one who drew your art for your garage band and your book reports but never got any credit, just so you might accept me? Remember me? The girl who's parents were so strict that she couldn't wear make-up or nail polish until she was 18 so you laughed and poked fun at her?
She grew up, and had a life, and had kids, who are also quiet and strange. But you know what? She survived and remembered.
4 comments:
I can relate to this a lot. Not the bits about nail polish or makeup obviously and I would never have worn white jeans (because they're not black!) but this sort of covert bullying is a fact of early life for so many of us.
Teachers nod with approval at children who they see working "with" us. "Oh, he's working with another child. That's good." But so often they fail to realise that we're being mercilessly taken advantage of :(
same here. i identify painfully.
i remember too well. i can't forget. i can't forgive. i was turned into a thing that isn't quite human. now i'm supposed to just snap out of it... the past is the past and all that crap...
Jr.It continues even as an adult. Hey you know how to fix my computer, my copier, my fax machine etc... Sometimes it's a good thing as it makes you feel useful, other times only used...
Dysamoria, remembering, obsessively, is another thing I think as Aspies we are suffered o endure. There are things that were done to me 20 years ago I can remember like yesterday. Sometimes they even creep into dreams. For me, the past never completely goes away, though I do block back a lot of painful memories.
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