Work and other meltodowns...

This post has been building inside for a few days. This week I had a meltdown at work simply because my routine had changed and my boss said something that set me off. Normally I would have been fine, but sometimes these "blowouts" come out unexpectantly. That's the thing you see, each autie person has their limits, their own style of coping, their own reserve. I guess I had just filled my reserve with Job stress and it had to come out somehow. I ended up going to a meeting with the director of Nursing where I had never been before, (really good on my already frayed nerves) and ended up reporting the incident about my Boss. I knew the job thing was starting to get to me, because I started dreaming vengeful things about work. Since I either don't dream, or dream heavily and I usually remember when I do, these were quite out of the ordinary for me. Nothing has changed work wise but at least, I felt better. Perhaps the change being that, because I stood up for myself for once, getting a spine, a backbone, I actually felt empowered and able to do so. I don't often have those feeling but something tells me that I must. I am not a child, I will not be held down, smothered or held back any longer. This director has worked with me a long time, and had never even spoken with me until that day. 11 years, and she never even knew who I was...Mousey quiet, studious me, always with my face in the computer. Now she knows me, good or bad, hopefully it will at least pull me off the wallpaper. As J said once, I have become furniture. At least the director knows I now exist in the warehouse of employees out there.