Long time

 

Sorry I have posted, and this is mostly inner purging… I am feeling the inner most blackness that I have felt since C died.  I can’t explain why, my life is good.  But I do not feel that way.  The pain in my back makes me feel desperate and in tears. My job is frustrating and exhausting.  I live under threats that my job may be taken away at anytime.  Everything just seems hopeless.. They keep saying they are doing something for my pain, but unfortunately to take pills all day is not the answer.  I have to live.  I have to function.  I feel if I didn’t have my children and J, it would be better not to be here.